24 Zingers From The Wordsmiths Of Twitter

Ah, to be gifted with the skill of literary brevity. While we can't say we're capable of crafting short and sweet zingers, these Twitter users are more than adept at creating clever and punchy one or two-liners. In the words of The Office's Kevin Malone, "Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick."  

1.

Text - Marty Murderhouser @NoChorus Me, aged 10: "Fred Durst is right, everything is fucked and everybody does suck" Me, aged 30: "Got to once again give it to my man Fred here..." 6:46 PM · 2020-01-30 · Twitter Web App 5,128 Retweets 115 Quote Tweets 30.4K Likes

2.

Text - Emily Murnane @emily_murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I gotta share a bedroom for the rest of my life?? 5:52 PM · 2020-10-16 · Twitter for iPhone 36.5K Retweets 6,481 Quote Tweets 428K Likes

3.

Text - erin chack @ErinChack thirty years old, still occasionally check to see if i have Matilda powers 4:16 PM · 2020-10-19 · Twitter for iPhone 14 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 133 Likes

4.

Text - schmox @lvoryGazelle [inventing tupperware] make it with a material that never lets them forget that one time they made spaghetti 10:54 AM · 2017-07-25 · Twitter for iPhone 6,593 Retweets 143 Quote Tweets 22.4K Likes

5.

Text - this is Palloween @PallaviGunalan middle siblings have more de- escalation training than cops do 1:59 PM · 2020-06-09 · Twitter Web App 39.8K Retweets 3,932 Quote Tweets 254K Likes

6.

Text - carter hambley @carterhambley ... hey sorry i didn't text you back sooner i was stuck on my back like a bug 1:57 AM · 2020-09-30 · Twitter for iPhone 31.5K Retweets 575 Quote Tweets 197K Likes

7.

Text - عائشة @soulspyre The first act of racism my brother ever experienced was my dad filming the wrong asian boy during his whole school play 8:46 PM · 2020-10-23 · Twitter for iPhone 741 Retweets 116 Quote Tweets 5,103 Likes

8.

Text - timoth? ... @neat_hot Since sound doesn't travel in space, how do we know that the moon isn't just constantly screaming? 5:09 PM · 2018-06-13 · Twitter for iPad

9.

Text - spuki @desukidesu ... hexing people online is as easy as using a cursor 3:11 PM · 2020-10-24 · Twitter for iPhone 90 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 1,135 Likes

10.

Text - tatum ... @50FirstTates me: ru good at magic spells? witch: m agic me: [under breath] holy shit 11:52 AM · 2020-10-24 · Twitter for iPhone 149 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 1,140 Likes

11.

Text - spuki @desukidesu ... me: alright i'm going for a drive VROOM witch: yeah i'll head out too BROOM 8:10 PM · 2020-10-23 · Twitter for iPhone 141 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 1,343 Likes

12.

Text - spuki @desukidesu ... me: you gotta help me, i'm cursed mario: take a this six sided shape me: how will this help? mario: hex a gon 4:20 PM · 2020-10-23 · Twitter for iPhone 189 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 1,243 Likes

13.

Text - Cemeterry F @daemonic3 me: [closing math book] screw this homework lesson i'll never need fractions [later] me: [receives invitation letter from Hogwarts] platform WHAT 12:50 PM · 2020-10-22 · Twitter Web App 234 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 2,423 Likes

14.

Text - Mowgli @Holy_Mowgli car salesman: so what are you looking to drive, automatic transmission or- witch: stick 5:40 PM · 2020-10-23 · Twitter for iPhone 76 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 475 Likes

15.

Text - Cemeterry F @daemonic3 [trying to impress fiancée's entire family] Waiter: Your bill for- OhI got it! [looks at bill & spits wine] WHO ORDERED THE "SUBTOTAL"?!? 1:04 PM · 2015-06-19 · Twitter for Android 6,547 Retweets 52 Quote Tweets 15.9K Likes

16.

Text - Untaming Undead Savage & @FredTaming when medusa showers is it like this or like this 2:02 PM · 2020-10-21 · Twitter Web App 13.1K Retweets 797 Quote Tweets 51K Likes

17.

Crab - Untaming Undead Savage & @FredTaming going to casually drop this here so everyone can worry with me popularmechanics.com Animals Keep Evolving Into Crabs, Which Is Somewhat Disturbing 12:22 PM · 2020-10-25 · Twitter Web App 54 Retweets 16 Quote Tweets 503 Likes

18.

Text - Pigeon Fancier @isabelzawtun The fun thing about actually reading the bible is there are passages that literally say "Christians welcome immigrants into their homes" & "don't hoard wealth" and absolutely nothing says anything about "kick your teenage son out of the house for being gay" 11:55 AM · 2020-10-25 · Twitter for iPhone 261 Retweets 10 Quote Tweets 1,368 Likes

19.

Text - nate of the living dead @MNateShyamalan if someone from your friend group is going as the joker for halloween, the rest of you have to save them from embarrassment by being a smoker, a midnight toker, a picker, a grinner, a lover, and a sinner. 12:46 PM · 2020-10-25 · Twitter for iPhone 537 Retweets 10 Quote Tweets 4,251 Likes

20.

Text - Kane Unable .. @KWalps Witch Mom: ugh you spend all day on that HexBox Witch Son: ok broomer 9:57 AM · 2020-10-25 · Twitter for Android 64 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 224 Likes

21.

Text - Not Sara (genuinely Hillary) @smithsara79 "Hey, you guys dare me to eat this whole party sub by myself?" I ask the dolls that line my bedroom shelves 12:53 AM · 2017-05-22 · Twitter for Android 4,289 Retweets 107 Quote Tweets 15.5K Likes

22.

Text - Sarah J ... @Trisarahjtops Every Sarah is descended from a single Trisarahtops dinosaur this is a secret Ancestry dot com doesn't want you to know I may have to delete this tweet 5:05 PM · 2019-07-13 · Twitter Web App 437 Retweets 24 Quote Tweets 1,214 Likes

23.

Text - Dave Cactus @dave_cactus "Your finest Scotch, please." "Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape. 6:33 AM · 2016-12-28 · TweetDeck 3,412 Retweets 52 Quote Tweets 9,334 Likes

24.

Text - CyniCULTTherapist @CynicalTherapi1 I like eating Nerds because l'm secretly hungry for aquarium gravel and this takes the edge off. 10:56 PM · 2020-04-25 · Twitter Web App 401 Retweets 9 Quote Tweets 1,463 Likes

Submitted by:



from Memebase https://ift.tt/3e2t7hY

Post a Comment

0 Comments