20 Creative Posts From Internet Poets

Was "reading more" one of your failed New Year's resolutions? Well, we're going to let you in on a little secret: you don't have to buy books to indulge in the creativity of wordsmiths. Turns out that you can consume clever witticisms all over the internet. You just have to know where to look. Fortunately, the subreddit r/brandnewsentence makes that mission a little easier. It's a veritable hub of quirky writing that's been harvested from Twitter, Tumblr, and even the dreaded hellscape that is Facebook. We've put together some of their finest examples of creative writing, but there's loads more where these came from. Hell, they may even inspire you to get a little more funky with your own posts. Go crazy. We're here for a good time, not a boring time.

1.

Text - Zack Bornstein O ... @ZackBornstein Feel like were finding out from the doctor tonight if it's a weird mole or a stage 5 tumor full of little neo nazis 9:21 AM - 11/3/20 · Twitter for iPhone 185 Retweets 8 Quote Tweets 1,521 Likes

2.

Text - Omg I just walked by the karate place And they are letting the kids wear their Halloween costumes And I just saw Kylo Ren get his ass kicked by a taco @BRATKARTOFFEL25

3.

Text - r/AskReddit u/bartertownbeer · 20h 1第1480 244 32 6 61 55 1 & 71 1 What is the fastest you have ever seen a new co-worker get fired? i Share Award 80.1k 22.7k SINGLE COMMENT THREAD VIEW ALL Revolutionary_Oil897 · 20h e s 3 Awards 3 hours into the first shift. Guy lost it serving an annoying customer in a grocery shop, throw a cabbage at her. The manager came and told him to go home cause he finished there. He wasn't surprised. I was standing next to him, it was an entertaining day. Reply +

4.

Text - SMadimoiselle @drivingmemadi Me: One day you will inherit all of these priceless heirlooms My dumbass kid: These are vape pens Me: They're the family juuls 10:37 PM · 2020-07-18 · Twitter for iPhone 1,471 Retweets and comments 11.6K Likes

5.

Text - dionis-gg Follow People be like "ew, why do you follow this artist? They make porn and that's gross" and I'm like bitch do you know how many cocks Michelangelo painted? That man had the balls to paint God's ass, don't come at me with that shit. All artists are guilty of the horny.

6.

Text - candyfroggy me: *is sad* some random shiny thing with no function or monetary value half buried in the dirt at the bus stop: me: oh ho HOOO dictator-woodle-dee-doodle we're all just crows with rights and anxiety

7.

Sky - Dylan Sprouse O @dylansprouse Happy two year anniversary. Here's to us looking more alike with each passing year until we're a single beast with four arms and four legs that runs at a top speed of 50mph and screams like a baboon at nearby travelers trespassing into our woods. To many more!

8.

Adaptation - it simply tickles me pink how after tens of millions of years crocodiles still refuse to learn how to chew in favor of slamdunking the buttfucking brains out of everything 3:13 PM · 25 May 19 Twitter for Android 71 Retweets 252 Likes

9.

Text - Molly Hodgdon @Manglewood His kiss was slow, but firm and unyielding like an old man backing his Lincoln Town OCar over a handicapped parking sign. 5:56 PM 1/21/14 Twitter for iPhone <>

10.

Text - The Texas Butthole Tickling Bandit Has Finally Been Caught By colt Mar 28, 2019 BREAKING NEWS NOT TO MAN ARRESTED FOR BREAKING INTO HOMES AND TICKLING BUTTHOLES f

11.

Text - donni saphire Follow @donni Shoot for the Moon. Stab for the stars. Poison the Sun. It's time to kill space 10:56 PM - 10 Mar 2019 3,772 Retweets 13,600 Likes t3 3.8K 52 14K Tweet your reply donni saphire @donni Mar 10 Space started it. Let's finish it t3 37 443

12.

Text - blinkpen shapeshifting is the best super power because you can have any haircut any time you want, you can turn into a hotter version of yourself, you can turn into a dragon, you can turn into a robot, you can turn into a shambling mound of abstract shapes and sulk outside your estranged father's house at night while chanting ominously about his sins, slytherin-stud This took a weird turn, but I'm still on board

13.

Text - Patrick @lunch_enjoyer 2029: My tv starts flashing red with an alert because I lied to Amazon Prime about how many people are in my living room watching Trolls 5. They send 15 cops in riot gear and they kill my dog. Im not allowed to shop at Whole Foods for two weeks.

14.

Mountain Cottontail - Last Ham Standing (waiting for Ota... @RobotLyra Ilove lagomorphs, because on the one side you have sweet round bois, and on the other side you have feral wilderness prophets who have gone mad with the knowledge of the universe

15.

Text - vampires who mix all slang from the past 5 centuries mercilessly within the same breath and don't even try to stop it anymore. jasonalanclark Unhand me, you egg-sucking, lily- livered, jive-talking, whackadoo. Foul villain! Cur! I bite my thumb at thee, you ugly motherfucker, so hasta la bye bye, daddy-o! mediocre-latinist My eyes are bleeding

16.

Text - vampires who mix all slang from the past 5 centuries mercilessly within the same breath and don't even try to stop it anymore. jasonalanclark Unhand me, you egg-sucking, lily- livered, jive-talking, whackadoo. Foul villain! Cur! I bite my thumb at thee, you ugly motherfucker, so hasta la bye bye, daddy-o! mediocre-latinist My eyes are bleeding

17.

Text - old man bangers @FindusPancake My mum was teaching first holy communion class, and a kid asked her "How many communions do you have to do before you've eaten a whole Jesus?"

18.

Text - digivolvin: last night i dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted i woke up

19.

Text - i . · 21h v if you jackin off multiple times a week, something is wrong with you fr. O 204 271,320 O 271 You the dean of dickbeating? O 13 27 209 O 1,188 18h The wanker warden Q2 27 18 196 ga - 18h She the jerk judge or something? 91 27 11 O 122 18h Acting like she wrote the emasturbation cocklamation 17.62 M 267

20.

Text - Libertarian Party @LPNatio.. · 10h So, what is the most Libertarian Halloween costume you can think of? ivote FOR PRINCIPLES 1,550 L7 61 O 223 Elijah Woodn't @root_of_all_eli Replying to @LPNational An 8-year-old coal miner buying heroin with bitcoin

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