29 Clever & Relatable Tweets For Short Attention Spans

Tilesh Bo January 08, 2021

It takes a savvy comic mind to pack a quality joke into Twitter's 280 character limit. Not everyone's got the chops. Their one-liners fall flat. Their tweets smack of try-hard desperation. Not these tweetsmiths. These writers and shillers of amusing observations have managed to find that harmonious sweet spot of humor and brevity. 

1.

Text - Allison (BTBB) @sug_knight The strap on the back of crocs is so they stay on during sex

2.

Text - logan @brainwxrms IOVA imagine being a girl and having to keep an extra pair of underwear in ur car just in case some dude revs his truck up at the stop light

3.

Text - Sarcastic._londa R @_iPradeep The 'H' in ENGINEERING stands for happiness.

4.

Text - Joanne Gannon @joanne_gannon I was standing in the line at McDonald's yesterday and just as I got to the counter my boyfriend kissed me and then loudly said 'you are the best sister ever' and walked away and the girl in McDonald's looked at me in disgust and l've never wanted to die so much in my life

5.

Text - Mr. Drinks On Me @Mr_DrinksOnMe Tinder is for rookies. Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

6.

Text - Sara Says Stop @PetrickSara Thanksgiving Pro Tip: Never eat any food offered to you by an adorable toddler relative. It might look like a cookie, or piece of candy, but it's actually the flu.

7.

Text - Andrew Fowler @fowlerism ME: I'm sorry for writing fake dialogue of us on twitter WIFE: *spoon-feeding me caviar* Well at least you have a huge penis 13/7/18, 1:47 am

8.

Text - Peter @OkigboXL PSA: Don't EVER let your printer know that you've waited until the last minute to print something out and you're in hurry because they can sense fear.

9.

Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes If Watson isn't the most famous doctor in the world... Then Who is.

10.

Text - Gabe Rivera @gaberivera You know how when you're a fast walker and the guy ahead of you is fast too but only 90% as fast as you, so you MUST pass him, but to pass him you have to walk comically faster than your normal speed, or else youll be in his personal space too long as you pass? That's annoying.

11.

Text - Shower Thoughts @showerfeelings The reason most of us stay up late is because we don't want our free time to end and tomorrow to start.

12.

Text - Craving @calluptome If someone says you look familiar, tell them you're in porn. 5:28 am - 20 Jan 2016 1,476 RETWEETS 2,262 LIKES.

13.

Text - keitho @KeetPotato priest: "does anyone here know why these two should not be wed?" me: "SHE LEAVES THE VOLUME ON ODD NUMBERS" priest: [slowly closes bible]

14.

Text - Paul Ford Follow @ftrain When the moon hits your knees And you mispronounce trees Sycamore 8:14 AM - 27 Feb 2018 8,679 Retweets 27,348 Likes

15.

Text - Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the... Minneapolis.

16.

Text - Routygirl @Routygirl2 People my age are raising children and I'm just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

17.

Text - "Bare Minimum Parenting" is in sto... @XplodingUnicorn My daughter's lip is bleeding. None of her sisters know what happened. At least they know the first rule of Fight Club.

18.

Text - shut up, mike O @shutupmikeginn Things were going well with my date, until she noticed my Roomba was a Frisbee glued to a bunch of rats 7:49 PM - 28 Mar 2015 1,016 RETWEETS 2,782 LIKES

19.

Text - Kelvin Yu @InternetKelvin In retrospect, it might have been a mistake to give Facebook all of my personal information in exchange for seeing what my high school friends eat for dinner 3/20/18, 9:46 AM

20.

Text - Mykenna @mykennalexi Colorado drivers in a blizzard: going 85 in the carpool lane. Putting salsa on their taco. steering with their knees. California drivers in slight rain: 6 people are dead. A semi is in the ditch. The roads are on fire somehow. children are crying in the distance 1/5/18, 8:49 PM

21.

Text - Danielle and Farrah @effinghandbook Just once, I would love to look my kid in the eyes when he gives me a picture he spent a long time coloring, and have the nerve to say, "could you make me another one...that's not what I wanted," just so he can get a sense of what it feels like to make him dinner every night. 12:12 PM · 8/12/18 · Twitter for iPhone <>

22.

Text - John Miguel McCauley @Mickey_McCauley 1992: There are 8 websites. they do nothing 1999: There are 5 million websites dedicated to every conceivable interest or curiosity 2019: There are 8 websites. they do nothing, but you must be on them continuously in order to exist 10:27 PM 3 de abr de 2019 Twitter Web Client

23.

Text - Tank.Sinatra @GeorgeResch Ijust blocked someone on Instagram and, using my email address, he sent me a calendar invite to suck his dick at 9:30 am on September 17th

24.

Text - luis @ShineMyGold some bad news for single people Number of fish in the sea has dropped by nearly half since 1970, report says 4.8k A SHARES

25.

Text - dayton @_daytonw My favorite childhood memory is my back not hurting

26.

Text - m@thew @TweetPotato314 How do you know if someone is hitchhiking or just complimenting your driving? 3:18 PM · 7/28/19 · Twitter for iPhone

27.

Text - joegarbe @gojarbe [gun goes off] [every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race] ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway

28.

Text - georgie sook @georjayykat my mom has trained her unruly 5th grade class to respond to "hear ye hear ye" with "all hail the queen" followed by immediate silence i'm both appalled and impressed

29.

Text - Justinthecity_ @Justinthecity1 At 33, I'm like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by 10 AM I'm at 60%.

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Tilesh Bo

Posted by Tilesh Bo

HI, Tilesh Bo here, currently an IT student but a part-time digital marketer.

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