39 Funny Tweets For People With Low Attention Spans

These days it feels like everyone has ADHD. It's almost impossible to enjoy a television show or movie without instinctively scrolling through your phone for no reason. It's no wonder that stuff like memes and tweets are appealing to internet lovers - if they haven't actually created these rampant low attention spans. The only problem with Twitter is that it's a cesspool of bad takes from bad people. It's hard to weed through the garbage to enjoy astute observations and clever comedy. To help you avoid that arduous process, we've put together a nice batch of mostly-fresh tweets and wrapped 'em up in this convenient gallery. Enjoy the good stuff without the bad. 

1.

Organism - Ryan North O @ryanqnorth Don't believe the hype. "All purpose" flour does not work well in coffee 1:03 PM · 2021-01-24 · Twitter for Android 133 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 1,007 Likes

2.

Product - poodie the witness @POODI3PI3 girls only want one thing and it's the volvo 240 winter cabin by chris labrooy 12:47 PM · 2021-01-24 · Twitter for iPhone 730 Retweets 65 Quote Tweets 8,581 Likes

3.

Organism - av clark @annevclark Do you think Gen Z realizes Ben Affleck is an actor and not just a man we're all collectively stalking? 1:18 AM · 2021-01-24 · Twitter for Android 355 Retweets 21 Quote Tweets 7,625 Likes

4.

Font - randy @randypaint me: i would like to buy a piano yamaha: ok me: i'd also like to buy a motorcycle lol do u know where i can find a good one yamaha: ur not gonna believe this 7:00 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for iPhone 12.6K Retweets 360 Quote Tweets 88.8K Likes

5.

Organism - jon drake @DrakeGatsby ... If you wanna make it in this world you need to HUSTLE Have rich parents U se their money S tudy hard T otally kidding about that last one L ay around E mbrace nepotism 2:02 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for iPhone 6,409 Retweets 94 Quote Tweets 52.3K Likes

6.

Font - cam @climaxximus can't stop thinking about how people that are 5'8" are also 4'20" 2:18 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for Android 350 Retweets 49 Quote Tweets 4,253 Likes

7.

Organism - Pro-Vaccine Queen @typicalfeminist ... I am begging my fellow millennials to get over harry potter. 2:43 PM · 2021-01-25 · Twitter Web App 10K Retweets 1,771 Quote Tweets 73.9K Likes

8.

World - kim @KimmyMonte set my GPS voice to blink-182 and my car turned its lights off and carried me home 10:03 AM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for iPhone 1,887 Retweets 58 Quote Tweets 13.9K Likes

9.

Organism - Mara "Get Rid of the Nazis" Wilson @MaraWilson We phased out "well played", we're phasing out "adulting", can we phase out "thanks I hate it" next 8:16 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for iPhone 161 Retweets 45 Quote Tweets 5,057 Likes

10.

Organism - sarah lugor!! O @sarahlugor when i was younger every night i would plan how i'd escape if a murderer got in and now i'm starting to realize that's not normal... 4:07 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for iPhone 7,075 Retweets 2,189 Quote Tweets 108K Likes

11.

World - @jxvster This random as hell but i aint seen a ant in a minute 7:55 PM · 2021-01-25 · Twitter for iPhone 52K Retweets 6,282 Quote Tweets 471K Likes

12.

World - Okev, @wtfKevv this can't be the same brain i was using to read 750 page novels in 3 days during middle school 12:44 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for iPhone 47.2K Retweets 2,521 Quote Tweets 207K Likes

13.

Font - slate @PleaseBeGneiss nobody: spaghetti: fuck that shirt 9:13 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for iPhone 1,911 Retweets 52 Quote Tweets 14.7K Likes

14.

Organism - Réal Funghi D @realfunghi Orange slices at the end of anything is nice. Finished a soccer game, have an orange slice. Got the scurvy, here's an orange slice. Divorce finalized, orange slice. 9:20 AM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for Android 135 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 565 Likes

15.

Organism - Harris @BeefAsAWeapon The asterisk was invented when a cat sat on a white piece of paper. 2:09 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for Android 52 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 134 Likes

16.

Organism - Jon @ArfMeasures Netflix: in the last episode Me: omg l've just watched it I don't need a recap Netflix: this happened Me: DID IT??!! 11:52 AM · 2021-01-27 · Twitter for Android 129 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 1,316 Likes

17.

Font - Garry McConnachie @TheGMcConnachie 411. Cheese that's already been spilled in my oven watching as I roast more shit without cleaning it up 4:35 AM · 2021-01-27 · Twitter for iPhone 95 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 602 Likes

18.

Organism - Shade 5 @Shade510 Air fryers are just E-Z Bake ovens for adults. 9:19 PM · 2021-01-26 · Twitter for iPhone 359 Retweets 26 Quote Tweets 1,248 Likes

19.

Font - Qismat @urshahzadi My friend : Are you busy tomorrow Me being busy tomorrow : N 12:35 PM · 2021-01-27 · Twitter for iPhone 386 Retweets 16 Quote Tweets 1,325 Likes

20.

Organism - Ely Kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl what doesn't kill you makes you weird at intimacy 11:17 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for iPhone 58.7K Retweets 2,308 Quote Tweets 450K Likes

21.

Organism - Maggie? Winters? @saggiesplinters maybe you're not hungry maybe you're just bored! - maybe l'm both u stupid bitch 5:39 PM · 2021-01-24 · Twitter for iPhone 211 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 2,020 Likes

22.

Font - i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan this adulting shit is stupid canigo back to eating dirt and thinking i could be in the olympics 10:12 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter Web App 4,584 Retweets 77 Quote Tweets 47.5K Likes

23.

Organism - Ely Kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl anyone else feel like if they have to make one more stupid little dinner they will die 6:17 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for iPhone 162 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 2,103 Likes

24.

Font - Ely Kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl it's so weird people are still asking "what are you up to?" like obviously im home with my best friends the screens 7:44 PM · 2021-01-22 · Twitter for iPhone 239 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 1,724 Likes

25.

Font - winnie ... @_justwinnie "once COVID is over" is starting to sound a lot like "once im not depressed anymore" 2:15 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for iPhone 85.2K Retweets 2,580 Quote Tweets 591K Likes

26.

Hand - Amy, 2022 Mothman Festival Queen @cableknitjumper ... me, still coping with March 2020 Another March in 5 weeks 4:58 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for Android 93.2K Retweets 4,492 Quote Tweets 511K Likes

27.

Nature - kayla O @baz00per every day seth rogen wakes up, logs onto twitter, shows everyone the cool vase he made today and then simply bullies ted cruz to death and i just want to say i'm very proud of him 6:42 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for iPhone 31.9K Retweets 442 Quote Tweets 309K Likes

28.

Vertebrate - jon drake @DrakeGatsby ... "Why don't you sleep on it" ok now I will lay awake and stress about it all night, sounds great 3:47 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for iPhone 2,341 Retweets 32 Quote Tweets 17.3K Likes

29.

Organism - jo @whatsJo him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news 4:58 PM · 2019-11-12 · Twitter for iPhone 3,021 Retweets 54 Quote Tweets 14.9K Likes

30.

Organism - Paul F. Tompkins O @PFTompkins If a horse Freaky Friday'd with a rabbit would anyone be able to even tell 4:50 AM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for iPhone 362 Retweets 22 Quote Tweets 5,814 Likes

31.

World - kalechip :$ @justcaem school school supplies 3:27 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for iPhone 77.5K Retweets 3,094 Quote Tweets 546K Likes

32.

Organism - sarah lugor!! O @sarahlugor listen... i don't care how much i love u i'm not sitting through a football game and pretending i like it 8:07 PM · 2021-01-24 · Twitter for iPhone 4,199 Retweets 401 Quote Tweets 47.6K Likes

33.

Organism - Sari Beliak @thecrassceiling I don't want student loan forgiveness, I want student loan revenge 12:13 PM · 2021-01-25 · Twitter for iPhone 10.5K Retweets 266 Quote Tweets 98.8K Likes

34.

Plant community - Amy, 2022 Mothman Festival Queen @cableknitjumper •.. going on my fucked up little walks so | don't get vitamin D deficient BBC NEWS Angry badger calms down and leaves castle bbc.co.uk 8:19 PM · 2021-01-24 · Twitter for Android 868 Retweets 13 Quote Tweets 5,134 Likes

35.

Organism - Chip Zdarsky @zdarsky fuckin' OUCH - Batman considers Superman as his favorite superhero.1250] - Superman considers Batman to be his best friend. [251][252] 6:15 PM · 2021-01-25 · Twitter Web App 359 Retweets 22 Quote Tweets 3,054 Likes

36.

Black - little stinker @JermHimselfish Does the pillsbury dough boy have a skeleton or is he some sort of dough golem? 6:50 PM · 2021-01-25 · Twitter for iPhone 330 Retweets 28 Quote Tweets 2,960 Likes

37.

Organism - Sam Yellowhorse Kesler @samkeslr bechamel sauce is just when a sauce is made by two women who aren't discussing a man 10:41 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter for Android 5,245 Retweets 146 Quote Tweets 44.1K Likes

38.

Organism - the paisan next door @doinkpatrol the sexiest thing about me is that i have never seen hamilton 6:23 PM · 2021-01-24 · Twitter for iPhone 2,082 Retweets 80 Quote Tweets 16.9K Likes

39.

Vertebrate - Julia Galef O @juliagalef I don't know what it is about eel scientists, but they do have a way with a pithy quote Evening Standard The Washington Post Democracy Dies in Darkness Cocaine in the River Thames Morning Mix Make better choices': is 'another problem eels don't need', says expert Endangered Hawaiian monk seals keep getting eels stuck up their noses and scientists want them to stop Salponulations need to he protected evnerts cav /Shutterstock 5:45 PM · 2021-01-23 · Twitter W

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