39 Funny Tweets Fresh From The Bird App

Many Americans are lamenting the fact that we're barely into 2021 and this year has already proven to be as batshit crazy as 2020, if not more so. There's a silver lining, though—the storming of the Capitol last week produced some top tier, hilarious content. Twitter may have banned the President of the United States, but the rest of us are still tweeting gold content and funny takes about all the chaos. We've collected some killer recent tweets ranging from topical to totally random.

1.

Text - Cody Johnston O @drmistercody Enough with the fruitless 25th amendment theater. Kick him in the balls on live TV. 4:14 PM · 2021-01-07 · Twitter for Android 3,199 Retweets 105 Quote Tweets 34.5K Likes

2.

Cap - bobby wasabi @blondiewasabi 2?? sorry I didn't text back babe I was consuming 7 forms of media 4:58 PM · 2021-01-09 · Twitter for iPhone 112 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 851 Likes

3.

Text - Lane Moore @hellolanemoore instead of saying things like "your 30s are the new 20s!" what if we just stopped pretending that your 20s are the only good and worthwhile time in your life lol 10:39 PM · 2021-01-07 · Twitter for iPhone 1,760 Retweets 103 Quote Tweets 14.1K Likes

4.

Text - Amy, future Mothman Festival Queen @cableknitjumper omg this is just like George Orwell's Animal Crossing 1:49 AM · 2021-01-09 · Twitter for Android 10K Retweets 259 Quote Tweets 90.2K Likes

5.

Text - + meg frank (they/them) + @peripateticmeg you aren't just doom scrolling, you're probably also serotonin scrolling. our friends have lived in our phone for a while, but now it's almost exclusively where they are (if they are safe) and you miss them and reaching for them isn't something to shame yourself for. 8:12 AM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter for iPhone 116 Retweets 8 Quote Tweets 394 Likes

6.

Text - Jurassic Park Updates @JurassicPark2go JURASSIC PARK BREAKING: Donald trump has been banned from Jurassic Park 9:14 PM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter for iPhone 29.6K Retweets 1,630 Quote Tweets 261K Likes

7.

Text - danielle weisberg @danielleweisber |am a WRITER okl open up my little computer when I have an IDEA and then I BUY THINGS on the INTERNET 8:06 PM · 2020-12-28 · Twitter for iPhone 12.3K Retweets 773 Quote Tweets 111K Likes

8.

Text - Brand ... @pissaround my kids gonna catch me at their house parties if I keep missing out on my 20s like this 4:24 PM · 2021-01-04 · Twitter for iPhone 74.6K Retweets 2,654 Quote Tweets 550K Likes

9.

Text - Dr Eleanor Janega ... @GoingMedieval Explaining to my not on twitter partner what "turns out bean dad is an antisemite" means. 5:57 PM · 2021-01-03 · Twitter for Android 1,384 Retweets 92 Quote Tweets 31.5K Likes

10.

Text - Jen_A_Palooza @Ten_Toes_7 I think we've officially regressed back to medieval peasants. All we do is bake bread, revolt, and avoid plagues 7:49 AM · 2021-01-07 · Twitter for iPhone 733 Retweets 23 Quote Tweets 2,560 Likes

11.

Text - tay @ttayzerzz this tells me we def could've stormed Area 51 5:30 PM · 2021-01-06 · Twitter for iPhone 37.5K Retweets 1,894 Quote Tweets 336K Likes

12.

Text - Pornhub Update Porn hub @Gian_Neon BREAKING: Donald trump has been banned from our platform 12:10 AM · 2021-01-09 · Twitter for iPhone 4,405 Retweets 1,172 Quote Tweets 25.3K Likes

13.

Text - Kimeko M. O @KimekoM It is wild to be living through a historic moment every 6 minutes. 8:50 PM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter for iPhone 7,293 Retweets 264 Quote Tweets 50.5K Likes

14.

Text - charlie @chunkbardey putting soup in a square tupperware.... it's just not right. it should be a circle one which is the shape of soup 10:30 PM · 2021-01-05 · Twitter for iPhone 56.5K Retweets 3,055 Quote Tweets 583K Likes

15.

Text - @thenoelsimone A florist wakes up everyday and chooses violets. 9:23 PM · 2021-01-03 · Twitter for Android 26.2K Retweets 808 Quote Tweets 249K Likes

16.

Finger - shira has OCD and ADHD @shiraisinspired people with social anxiety people with seasonal affective disorder autistic people getting told "everyone has people with a bit of that" people with OCD when they depression open up people with GAD people with ADHD 8:18 AM · 2021-01-02 · Twitter for iPhone 16.7K Retweets 982 Quote Tweets 72.6K Likes

17.

Text - a small town monarch @femmina one of my least favorite things about feelings is you can know why they're happening, and even understand them...and that still doesn't get you out of feeling them 3:54 AM · 2021-01-02 · Twitter for Android 243 Retweets 26 Quote Tweets 1,367 Likes

18.

Mouth - That's Dr. Sarah tyvm @sarahklop Can we stop saying the "UK virus?" Her name is J. K. Rowling. 10:15 PM · 2020-12-30 · Twitter for iPhone 23.7K Retweets 789 Quote Tweets 226K Likes

19.

Text - Ely Kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl ... hi friends- for the new year I'm taking a break from life so I can focus on social media. if you need me you can find me here, constantly 2:14 PM · 2020-12-31 · Twitter for iPhone 14.4K Retweets 313 Quote Tweets 167K Likes

20.

Astronomical object - Kiera Please @Kieraplease CANCEL THAT FREE TRIAL BABE.. they're gonna charge you 9:27 PM · 2020-12-29 · Twitter for iPhone 1,709 Retweets 48 Quote Tweets 7,159 Likes

21.

Text - NOT A WOLF @SICKOFWOLVES HELL YEAHTHAVE TIME OFF FROM WORK YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS T WILL TRY TO RELAX BUT ULTIMATELY END UP INTERNALLY CHASTISING MYSELF FOR NOT USING MY FREE TIME TO CREATE ONE OF SOCIETY'S MOST BELOVED WORKS OF ART 11:59 PM · 2020-12-28 · Twitter Web App 2,305 Retweets 172 Quote Tweets 14.1K Likes

22.

Text - Sarah Hollowell @sarahhollowell I love when you ask someone about a thing they know a lot about and they start with "okay, so" because you KNOW you're about to get a novel's worth of nerd shit and it's going to be so delightful 6:37 PM · 2020-12-25 · Twitter for iPhone 43.5K Retweets 5,100 Quote Tweets 276K Likes

23.

Text - TWILIGHT RENAISSANCE @twilightreborn a map of the united states twilight where twilight was filmed the rest of the US where Bella and her cactus used to @twilightreborn live 12:54 PM · 2021-01-07 · Twitter Web App 28.4K Retweets 1,159 Quote Tweets 162K Likes

24.

Text - Antibodyodyodyodyodies @EDIBLU ... Is the "rich auntie" really rich, or does she just not have kids? 5:20 PM · 2021-01-02 · Twitter for Android 99K Retweets 15.8K Quote Tweets 919K Likes

25.

Text - charlie ... @chunkbardey it is my understanding that MSNBC is NBC for girls ("ms. nbc"?) 12:54 PM · 2021-01-06 · Twitter for iPhone 544 Retweets 15 Quote Tweets 13.5K Likes

26.

Text - daft punk @obiquawn ... my dentist say i'm grinding even in my sleep 3:35 PM · 2021-01-04 · Twitter for iPhone 73.1K Retweets 2,814 Quote Tweets 497K Likes

27.

Text - A.A.Tichavakunda ... @Tichavakunda We in a panny...barely got a stimmy...at the beginning of a...civvy? 6:57 PM · 2021-01-06 · Twitter Web App 63K Retweets 2,844 Quote Tweets 384K Likes

28.

Text - NurseBrianRN @rn_murse Triscuits taste like if a Dorito and a cereal box had sex. 6:43 PM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter for iPhone 160 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 573 Likes

29.

Text - Sarah Cooper O @sarahcpr "This is not who I am" -me eating my 6th slice of pizza 7:09 PM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter Web App 3,702 Retweets 250 Quote Tweets 69.5K Likes

30.

Text - PB Harrison @hunkybloodydory Wait, those face tattoos everyone has are a FILTER?!?!?!?!? OH FUCK WHAT HAVE I DO0OONE 6:35 PM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter for Android 35 Retweets 127 Likes

31.

Animation - кау" @bakedkaytato the lettuce on a mcchicken 2:24 PM · 2021-01-05 · Twitter for iPhone 58.2K Retweets 2,714 Quote Tweets 444K Likes

32.

Text - old dirty cannoli @propagabba ... you're laughing? A grown man tased his own balls until he died, and you're laughing? 6:56 PM · 2021-01-07 · Twitter for iPhone 25.1K Retweets 5,430 Quote Tweets 306K Likes

33.

Nose - philip lewis O @Phil_Lewis_ ... How it started How it's going RU 45 HESPEAKER 9:47 AM · 2021-01-09 · Twitter for iPhone 18.9K Retweets 2,446 Quote Tweets 114K Likes

34.

Text - T-show @kiiingsleyy If you think i'm mean, you should hear the voice in my head. 12:48 PM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter for iPhone 32.6K Retweets 1,414 Quote Tweets 93.6K Likes

35.

Text - An English Human @English_Channel An app that tells you what song other people are singing or playing air drums to in their cars 9:46 AM · 2021-01-09 · Twitter for iPhone 87 Retweets 225 Likes

36.

Text - Markus @mqrck__ugs so did you realize that dogs licking your legs, means they want the bones underneath. 1:01 PM · 2021-01-09 · Twitter for iPhone 224 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 385 Likes

37.

Text - Jasmine @gliterwrld i hate humans bro...i shouldve been a bike or some shit 12:20 PM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter for Android 25.8K Retweets 2,152 Quote Tweets 95.1K Likes

38.

Text - jon drake @DrakeGatsby Autocorrect: *Gets one word wrong* Me: Wow fuck you autocorrect, do your job Also Me: Rhrng Idjdnxh pvmfjs jshabdbc Autocorrect: Did you mean “Pet stores near me"? Me: You're goddamn right I did 10:17 AM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter for iPhone 1,107 Retweets 19 Quote Tweets 9,678 Likes

39.

Text - Grimm @grimmreality IF THEY CAN MAKE DOG BISCUITS THAT CLEAN YOUR DOG'S TEETH THEY CAN FUCKWELL MAKE COOKIES THAT CLEAN MY TEETH 10:57 PM · 2017-09-15 · Twitter Web Client 936 Retweets 93 Quote Tweets 2,784 Likes

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