40 Clever Posts From The Internet Poets Of Tumblr & Twitter

In the sea of content that is the internet, sometimes the most amusing little tidbits from insular social networks like Twitter and Tumblr get lost in the slurry. Well lucky for you, we've collected a delightful mixture of clever posts from these oversaturated corners of the web. Tweets and text posts are kind of like memes you can spend a little extra time with—perfect for people experiencing some major boredom. 

1.

Plant community - curseworm just lie down on the sidewalk with your tongue against the concrete till th whole world dissolves like an uncoated pill howdymynamesis i wanna know if op was okay when writing this curseworm one day youll be face to face with whatever saw fit to let you exist in the universe and youll have to justify the space youve filled howdymynamesis what

2.

Rectangle - personsonable me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU miaislying Hey OP? What the FUCK does this mean? personsonable decay exists as an extant form of life miaislying That's a terrifying answ

3.

Font - altersociety: danielkanhai: i'm not against vaping, but man, vaping two inches from my face on the subway is a ridiculous asshole kind of move. this dude was billowing like he was auditioning for the role of haunted house fog machine. the humidity in the whole car changed, he was ruining haircuts. just jump starting the water cycle. condensation was dripping down my glasses. people were slipping off poles, it was chaos. it was like watching one man try to terraform the moon, a planet with

4.

Font - nerdgul Your average pineapple, peeled and cut makes about 4.5 cups or 36 ounces of pineapple chunks. Cans of pineapple come in a variety of sizes the most common being 20oz and 46oz. Meaning a single pineapple generally won't fill up a single can perfectly, wich also means everytime u eat pineapple from a can somewhere someone else has the can that has the rest of that same pineapple. Meaning u can share a single fruit with a stranger from hundreds of miles away and I think that's beauti

5.

Font - moose iemoore @tiemoose me: we're as thick as thieves friend: ok me: as juicy as burglars friend: stop me: just a couple of dummy thicc stealy bois

6.

Font - Kristin @FeralCrone When I told my parents over the phone that my husband has the flu, my dad said "Have you tried euthanasia?" and in the background my mom yelled “For the last time, it's echinacea!" 8:10 PM · 30 Dec 17 4,126 Retweets 15.2K Likes >

7.

Font - Cethan Leahy @CethanLeahy Me: oh wow, this shop has everything my heart desires! Spooky shopkeeper: yes, I will warn you... every item comes witha price. Me: yes, I know how shops work kittydesade Spooky Shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay. Me: Yes, I know how US taxes work, too. del3141 Shopkeeper, increasingly exasperated: I'm trying to tell you that l'm evil and offering these wares with no regard for the harm they will do! Me, also increasingly exasperated: I know

8.

Organism - Kyle @KylePlantEmoji · 5h My conspiracy theory is that there's no such thing as witness protection. When the government erases your identity, they just fuckin kill you. It's cheaper, easier, and when people are like "no seriously, where are they" they can be like "I know right? How good are we?!" Q 31 27 254 O 3,236 Kyle @KylePlantEmoji · 5h Loving the idea of someone in witness protection scrolling through Twitter, seeing this tweet, and being angry because they know I'm wrong but ob

9.

Product - Amtrak California @Amtrak CA 1d "Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson retweeted æ­¥+ . @Amtrak_CA With all due respect, this is terrible advice for trains 10/8/13 2:32 PM

10.

Font - leftboob-enthusiast (to the tune of The Final Countdown) it's a mental breakdown thesilencedmasses *off-key kazoo* agoodkind After vine died we are reduced to text form vines

11.

Organism - Phantom of the Chopra @steak_ham Back when I was a kid you didn't need Joe Rogan. Your best friend had a 27 year-old brother who was a fucking loser who would smoke pot in a room with blacklight posters and tell you that the Mayans invented cell phones

12.

Product - Sen. Jeff Bridges @JeffBridges I'm only *a* dude, not The Dude. raina @quakerraina · Jul 29 thinking about the time I posted a bikini pic on my ig story and tried to tag actor jeff bridges but instead I tagged colorado senator jeff bridges and he saw it <3 6:01 PM · Jul 30, 2020 · Twitter Web App

13.

Organism - brandAn is good @LeBearGirdle The tennis point system is completely fucked. 15, then 30 and all of a sudden you have 40? Why is the 3rd score worth less than the 1st 2?? Then you look to see what the other person have and its LOVE?! Absolutely go to hell with this 4:00 PM · 2020-08-11 · Twitter for Android

14.

Font - Ariana Lenarsky @aardvarsk COOL Shitty airline travel is the absolute pinnacle of humanity to me. We found a way to soar through the high untrespassed sanctity of space and also found a way to make it suck the whole time. Absolutely iconic work by the species. 7:36 PM · 26 Aug 18 23.2K Retweets 125K Likes

15.

Font - yeah ok @poutinesmoothie If you spell your name backwards and put an umlaut over the first vowel, that's your IKEA furniture name. 6:02 AM · 4/15/20 · Twitter for iPhone

16.

Font - kaitlyn @kaitlyntrahan I need to get my life together but I'm kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in. 8:30 AM 7/31/20 · Twitter for iPhone 8 Retweets and comments 21 Likes

17.

Font - Elle Oh Hell @ElleOhHell MARIE KONDO: Does this item spark joy? ME: no MARIE KONDO: Does this spark joy? ME: No, it doesn't *three hours later in an empty house* ME: Oh wait I have depression

18.

Font - ... Shay @_salt_n_lime CENSORED Dying on the inside should burn more calories. 5:42 PM · 2020-08-17 · Twitter for iPhone 475 Retweets and comments 1,140 Likes

19.

Rectangle - Ryan North @ryanqnorth All pleasures are guilty pleasures if you have high enough anxiety 2:36 PM Mar 17, 2020 · Twitter for Android 839 Retweets 2.6K Likes >

20.

Font - Cemeterry F @daemonic3 "So how was your date?" I talked about my obsession with reducing fractions too much "That wasn't a good idea" Yeah well, hindsight is 1 3:14 PM · 2015-10-19 · Twitter Web Client 12.7K Retweets 183 Quote Tweets 27.1K Likes

21.

Font - *sigh*clops @DadZZZasleep Can we stop screwing around and just frost the whole pop tart? We have the technology

22.

Font - dan wickes @dan_wickes "I think l'm like Jim from The Office" -guy who is like Michael from The Office 4:55 PM · 12/28/20 · Twitter for iPhone 101 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 1,317 Likes

23.

Rectangle - Do you blow your food when it's to hot or do you just hasafashafsas till you can chew it??

24.

Rectangle - straightboyfriend mike's hard bubble tea emeraldfoxface It's just marbles

25.

Organism - Lisabug Jonze @Lisabug74 I love how my car's check engine light turns off. Of course this means the engine has healed on its own. 12:48 AM · 2019-06-06 · Twitter for iPhone 302 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 879 Likes

26.

Jaw - turbo flama @julietagarcia You ever take your glasses off at night and think damn natural selection would've taken my ass a long time ago if it weren't for the development of optometry

27.

Organism - Sarah Ellis Fox @sarahellisfox I thought I was being clever, putting the litter box on wheels so I could slide it out from under the stairs, but I have inadvertently created a Mad Max- esque vehicle which my cat uses to roll around the house, dragging himself with his front paws, the entire time shitting. 10:49 AM · 2021-01-08 · Twitter Web App 14.1K Retweets 831 Quote Tweets 128K Likes

28.

Font - Max Dylan Ash @mynameisntdave 5 GUYS EMPLOYEE: what would u like? ME: one "little fries" please 5GE: so u want "a whole bag of fries?" ME: no, just a "little-" 5GE:I definitely heard "more fries than u could ever handle" ME: please, no- 5GE: JERRY, FOIST UPON THIS MAN "A FUCKASS LOAD AMOUNT OF FRIES" 8/20/18, 21:25

29.

World - geeky steven @geekysteven I don't even understand people bored by dinosaurs. They were giant bird lizards that got murdered by space, what's your fucken problem. 12:53 PM · 2016-06-29 · Twitter for Android 2,464 Retweets 57 Quote Tweets 5,475 Likes

30.

Font - communicants @cOmmunicants I saw a bumper sticker that said "Make tea, not war", and what a wild ride they are in for when they learn literally any fact about tea. 3/27/18, 4:10 PM

31.

World - 392 Dev W @ThatsDev_ If a job ever hire you on sight at the interview just know its finna be some bullshit 1:22 PM · 1/11/21 · Twitter for Mac

32.

Font - soaringsearingphoenix Follow The worst part of human adulthood is being your own zookeeper soaringsearingphoenix Follow Like.. i have to make sure my meals are nutritionally balanced.. i have to make sure that the space i occupy is big enough, and interesting enough, and provide enrichment to make up for the lack of novelty... i have to make sure i get exercise. i'm not qualified for this tiny--gay-munchkin Follow #bro I have to make sure I get to my OWN vet visits #I have to push mySELF

33.

Font - I guess the question I have for people who love LaCroix is have you tried any other beverages

34.

Font - weekend twitr @WeekendTwitr if i'd known it was going to be the last movie i would ever see in a theater i would have picked something other than Cats 6:46 PM · 1/18/21 · Twitter for Android

35.

Font - meladoodle: australiansanta: australiansanta: what type of rock is a really good friend an opal rocks will be your only friends if you ever use this joke

36.

Organism - *sigh*clops ... @aotakeo I better think twice? buddy I dont even think once 5:40 PM · 2021-01-21 · Twitter for iPhone 724 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 2,819 Likes

37.

World - what the actual heck @jazz_inmypants it's funny when spotify ads try to get me to buy a peloton bike or tickets to a broadway show like buddy if i had 5 extra dollars why would i be listening to commercials right now 11:01 AM · 2021-01-22 · Twitter Web App 81 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 1,520 Likes

38.

Font - beetledrink not to get too deep on main but did anyone else have such deeply rooted issues with their self worth for so long that they thought as a kid/teen that their only redeeming feature was being "low maintenance" and now as an adult you give yourself guilt pangs asking for any more than the barest minimum in virtually any relationship because asking for things might negate your only good quality which is just "doesn't ask for things" splickedylit #you don't believe you can be liked

39.

Font - unfollower peekaboo is essentially just making fun of babies for not understanding object permanence hamfootsia #i've made fun of babies for less 403,395 notes

40.

Font - writing-prompt-s You run a tattoo parlor. Every couple of weeks, the same customer comes in, always requesting the same tattoo: an additional tally mark on an ever-growing cluster of tally marks. th4nkyoub3n "what are you counting" "how many tattoos i've gotten" "i'm no longer serving you"

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