36 Funny & Clever Tweets Fresh From Twitter

We're back with another round of amusing shower thoughts, witty takes, and funny jokes we wish we'd thought of first. That's right, we've got a bunch of the best recent tweets from the funny minds of Twitter. So if you love jokes but would rather not open up the bird app, this collection is perfect for those looking for a quick distraction

1.

Organism - max wittert @waxmittert "Omg this reminds me of you so much." - someone showing me something I f_king hate 5:54 AM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for iPhone 962 Retweets 80 Quote Tweets 13.7K Likes

2.

Organism - Jen Grant @Jen_Grant13 New concept: a fake ID but one that says that l'm under 26 so l can keep my health insurance 9:23 PM · 2021-02-17 · Twitter for iPhone 10.8K Retweets 516 Quote Tweets 98.8K Likes

3.

Vertebrate - Rex_highstar @manlikerex I believe in annoyed at first sight. 1:01 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 66.4K Retweets 2,261 Quote Tweets 241K Likes

4.

Font - Cam, identity theft victim @CeeHawk Wait until I tell you about the people who purchase rap music blaine capatch @blainecapatch · 1d why are people who hate mexicans always going on vacation in mexico 11:45 PM · 2021-02-18 · Twitter for iPhone 12.5K Retweets 115 Quote Tweets 49.9K Likes

5.

Font - dia @heavensgator adhd is so funny cuz u try to make coffee and next thing u know u have been standing in one spot in the kitchen for 30 minutes reading about greenland 2:19 PM · 2021-02-18 · Twitter for iPhone 12K Retweets 1,190 Quote Tweets 82.6K Likes

6.

Organism - ruiz @omarruizz10 I never delete messages .. Just incase a Mf wanna lie about July 23rd, 1862 8:44 PM · 2021-02-18 · Twitter for iPhone 21.5K Retweets 1,507 Quote Tweets 103K Likes

7.

Font - Alice Wetterlund ... @alicewetterlund Why is the divorce rate among socks so high 10:31 PM · 2021-02-18 · Twitter for iPhone 4,254 Retweets 316 Quote Tweets 46.4K Likes

8.

Product - switchle @switch1e_swoof Search Murder around us There's a killer around us GET #160 9+ Not Enough Ratin Role Playing Age 2:24 AM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 7,222 Retweets 374 Quote Tweets 86.9K Likes

9.

Sun hat - ko @makjako pugs are crazy cuz u can tell that they fr were never spose to happen 1:20 AM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 1,073 Retweets 80 Quote Tweets 19.3K Likes

10.

Organism - slowbot @vangobot f king sick of converting matter into energy. never asked to be a pawn in this twisted game 4:32 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 96 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 373 Likes

11.

Font - kill tim faust @crulge ah, year 300 of being a vampire... time to attend the local high school for some reason 7:45 PM · 2021-02-18 · Twitter Web App 3,009 Retweets 120 Quote Tweets 45.1K Likes

12.

Font - jose @hoesayb_ ... don't you ever leave us like that again 2:32 PM · 2021-02-19 from San Antonio, TX · Twitter for iPhone 35.3K Retweets 1,068 Quote Tweets 164K Likes

13.

Product - David Foster Waluigi @DaveMcNamee3000 Scientists have successfully combined every Seinfeld character

14.

Font - first-mate prance @bocxtop ... Gofundme (2012): just a cool lil website where ur friends can support your projects :) Gofundme (2021): the backbone of the american healthcare system 6:41 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 2,803 Retweets 22 Quote Tweets 24.8K Likes

15.

Font - @DOGDICK420CUM Thinking about the phenomenon back in the 90's-early 00's of families having an office in their house they called "The Computer Room" 8:02 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for Android 1,842 Retweets 364 Quote Tweets 31.6K Likes

16.

World - Justanigga @_omnificent_ The Cullens was around for slavery and ain't help the Underground Railroad? Ik they was racist. 2:47 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 13K Retweets 1,448 Quote Tweets 124K Likes

17.

Font - Roxi Horror @roxiqt It's September 1st, 2000. You wake up early to feed your Neopet a piece of the giant omelette & are listening to Britney Spears new song "Lucky." You change the font on your GeoCities website to lime green & finally figure out how to add a blinking background image. Life is good. 4:01 PM · 2021-02-20 · TweetDeck 34 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 373 Likes

18.

Organism - Adrianna @Stfunell_ how do lawyers not cry when arguing 12:22 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for Android 62.3K Retweets 5,733 Quote Tweets 310K Likes

19.

Font - Grae Hall @HallGrae [After a heated argument at an office supply store] Coworker, returning from break: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! Me hunched over, mouth blue from ink, red with blood, shards of plastic protruding from my gums: I fought you faid to eat a bag of bics! 8:10 AM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter Web App

20.

Organism - ayla @ayla_maramag it's so rude how i'm not drinking wine & eating pasta in italy wearing a pretty outfit but whatever 2:45 AM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 16.4K Retweets 411 Quote Tweets 54.5K Likes

21.

Font - James @CaucasianJames can't believe i'm staying in on rihanna's birthday 10:39 PM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for iPhone 742 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 6,609 Likes

22.

World - Cody Wimmer @Cody_Wimmer ... make MissPiggya guest а judge on drag race 2:53 PM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for iPhone 3,767 Retweets 162 Quote Tweets 43K Likes

23.

Organism - elmur @elmur_ "you'd never survive a cod lobby" ok you wouldn't survive a discord server full of gay furries 8:15 AM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for Android 9,671 Retweets 405 Quote Tweets 70.8K Likes

24.

Font - obama's footslave @Childsouljaboy It's so funny to pretend to really like cigars if you're like under the age of 40. You have a tom and jerry idea of what's col lol 9:31 PM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for iPhone 706 Retweets 122 Quote Tweets 14.7K Likes

25.

Font - bobby wasabi @blondiewasabi 2?? u ever think back to a few years ago when you thought to yourself "it can't get any worse than this" and then it did 1:14 AM · 2021-02-21 · Twitter for iPhone 281 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 2,499 Likes

26.

Font - the luckiest Penny. A @aSouthernPenny ... My son proposed to his fiancée about six months ago and she said yes. They're super happy, we love her family too. Ijust found out today that another girl is in love with him and plans to propose next week.... should I say anything? Oh and also, he's 4. They're all 4. 9:42 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 25.7K Retweets 2,170 Quote Tweets 320K Likes

27.

Font - Matt Buechele @mattbooshell of course i know the 3 branches of the US gov - gofundme - luck - a second gofundme 9:16 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 25.5K Retweets 298 Quote Tweets 217K Likes

28.

World - HelloGreedo @HelloGreedo NEGO 7:43 PM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for Android 3,511 Retweets 386 Quote Tweets 26K Likes

29.

Organism - Natalya Din-Kariuki @endeeekay obsessed that one of the reasons Kim cites for divorcing Kanye is "banality". 7:45 PM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for iPhone 1,401 Retweets 325 Quote Tweets 25.2K Likes

30.

Font - Lance Said This @Lance_Said_This It's pretty cruel that OCD is not in alphabetical order. 7:41 PM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter Web App 129 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 401 Likes

31.

Product - @bimbofication i need to smoke a blunt with this b ch iCarly 10:57 AM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter for iPhone 11K Retweets 306 Quote Tweets 81.5K Likes

32.

Organism - Jamaine @thejigg What does the bacon industry have against resealable packaging? 4:37 AM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for Android 16.6K Retweets 1,502 Quote Tweets 133K Likes

33.

Font - Rhiannon Shaw @rhiannoneshaw stop whining about losing your 'hot years' to covid. some of us lost our hot years to not being hot 5:59 PM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter Web App 4,679 Retweets 309 Quote Tweets 48.7K Likes

34.

Mammal - Kelly Bachman @bellykachman ... how do l explain to my landlord that @JoeBiden has my rent money and this is really between them two 7:15 PM · 2021-02-19 · Twitter Web App 6,429 Retweets 133 Quote Tweets 89.5K Likes

35.

Font - Daniel Kibblesmith @kibblesmith If I were Buzz Aldrin, I would've done a bunch of random stuff on the moon sol could be the first guy to do those things on the moon. Jumping jacks. Rub my tummy. Say the F word. Just really try to rack up a bunch of stuff besides stepping/walking. 3:07 PM · 2021-02-21 · Twitter Web App 19 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 249 Likes

36.

Font - louisa @louisakeight would be a huge power move for kanye to wheel out the robert kardashian hologram as his divorce lawyer 6:38 AM · 2021-02-20 · Twitter for iPhone 7,414 Retweets 276 Quote Tweets 97K Likes

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