Fresh & Funny Musings From The Wild West Of Twitter

While Twitter's become ever so slightly more palatable since the inauguration, it's still a cesspool of political opinion and general histrionics. Which sucks, because it dissuades people from enjoy the best part of the site: all the smart people who are good at crafting short and sweet jokes and musings. To save you from the woeful experience of scrolling through the "Bird App," we've put together some of the site's fresh and funny gems right here in this gallery. It's not much, but it's honest work.

1.

Font - Frankie! ... @FrankieMooon How do they know an animal is extinct like??? U looked everywhere???? 3:07 AM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 20K Retweets 921 Quote Tweets 119K Likes

2.

Automotive design - STEAZY-A @steazya "Why isn't your camera on" Me: Zoom INC 1001 wvan L NT 3:24 AM · 2021-02-03 · Twitter for iPhone 102K Retweets 5,580 Quote Tweets 467K Likes MER

3.

Mammal - Jay Skutt @JaySkuttt T hate when kids scream in public... you don't have real problems. It should be me screaming. ME 12:49 PM · 2021-02-01 · Twitter for iPhone 113K Retweets 2,908 Quote Tweets 431K Likes

4.

Nose - Gracie @poshgracie Nobody: My eyes in all photos: 1:00 PM · 2021-02-01 · Twitter for Android 75.4K Retweets 4,917 Quote Tweets 478K Likes

5.

Font - sammy @smirhnn Rihanna once said "Please don't stop the music" and I think that's very hypocritical of her. 3:19 PM · 2021-02-02 · Twitter for iPhone 83.8K Retweets 2,358 Quote Tweets 428K Likes

6.

World - ANISA || @aaaanisaxx when I was 19 I had to apply for a job and couldn't be arsed writing a cover letter so I made a fake job ad for the job l was applying for on gumtree and like 200 people applied and I picked the best cover letter as my own 7:53 PM · 2021-02-03 · Twitter for iPhone 13.2K Retweets 2,960 Quote Tweets 207K Likes

7.

Human - Мае is @theepictheymer You can always pirate college textbooks it's always morally correct 1:03 AM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter Web App 13.2K Retweets 244 Quote Tweets 70.1K Likes

8.

Organism - rowan finn lookin for work @rfridleyart what is a pirate but a wet cowboy 12:36 AM · 2021-02-05 · Twitter Web App 13.3K Retweets 638 Quote Tweets 79.1K Likes

9.

Font - peach * @ceciliatallis does this make sense JUNE SON ho.be 3:55 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 32.1K Retweets 3,461 Quote Tweets 314K Likes

10.

Organism - Jenny @jennyrdrguez some + personal news *+ I'm so excited to share that i have no idea what I'm doing with my life 2:52 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 29.6K Retweets 787 Quote Tweets 159K Likes

11.

Font - queen blackie @Tramaracts "Ingrown hair" doesn't even make any sense to me because why, as a hair, would you do that... 5:02 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 40.4K Retweets 1,310 Quote Tweets 374K Likes

12.

Black - Niccole Thurman @niccolethurman why is it called coconut meat and coconut milk...coconut wanna be a cow SO bad SMDH 7:11 PM · 2021-02-05 · Twitter Web App 454 Retweets 30 Quote Tweets 7,199 Likes

13.

Font - larissa pham @Irsphm writing fiction is amazing. i'm just out here lying 1:09 PM · 2021-02-05 · Twitter Web App 3,431 Retweets 126 Quote Tweets 33.5K Likes

14.

Organism - dunwail @dunwall being a vampire is less about drinking blood and more about the gay theatrics 3:32 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter Web App 12.6K Retweets 778 Quote Tweets 63.8K Likes

15.

Organism - simone's bimbo moments ... @simonerubin i do not want to "succeed" in a "career field" i want to become a mushroom 3:13 AM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter Web App 42.8K Retweets 981 Quote Tweets 197K Likes

16.

Font - kie ... @kieransofar "to whom this may concern" bro all emails worry me 1:46 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 595 Retweets 1Quote Tweet 4,330 Likes

17.

Organism - thomas @perfectsweeties make sure u get ur boyfriend something he will actually use on valentines day. my suggestion is a rock that is really good for skipping. dudes love to skip rocks 8:16 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for Android 48 Retweets 1Quote Tweet 458 Likes

18.

Human - sydney battle @SydneyBattle i was born on my due date and i was only 5 pounds. it's called being considerate & respecting ur mother 4:58 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 1,255 Retweets 331 Quote Tweets 42.2K Likes

19.

Black - Queen Kitten (5'5 and Officially 25) @Elanikitten bruh why are u reverse parking at 7 am in the dunkin donuts parking lot. it's not that serious 8:22 AM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter Web App 1,271 Retweets 206 Quote Tweets 23.9K Likes

20.

Font - floptimus prime rib™M @FireBeets [getting a boob job] me: yes i'd like to apply ceo of boob: you're hired 11:55 AM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for Mac 157 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 1,545 Likes

21.

Font - dvd ... @diskpix AoT: Attack on titan my brain: Alexandria Ocasio-Tortez Translate Tweet 12:03 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter Web App 2,608 Retweets 106 Quote Tweets 35.3K Likes

22.

Organism - В. @DontWorryBoutB my daughter said "it's cold, but it's a beautiful day." ppl w no bills are so positive. 1:06 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 23.5K Retweets 1,038 Quote Tweets 165K Likes

23.

Organism - grace @graceemjr My COVID vaccine is booked for the 14th of February... so hey at least someone will be sticking something in me this Valentine's Day 6:15 AM · 2021-02-03 · Twitter for iPhone 14.5K Retweets 1,355 Quote Tweets 297K Likes

24.

Font - thomas ... @perfectsweeties ur weird as hell if ur one of those people like "i hate cats." whats ur problem bud. they literally have little paws 9:30 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for Android 453 Retweets 17 Quote Tweets 2,556 Likes

25.

Gesture - StepMom Marie @mariebabyyyyy_ nice try fed NEW YORK POST New York Post O @nypost · 2020-07-14 Covering up the camera could damage your laptop: Apple trib.al/CBqnPvq 3:13 PM · 2021-02-03 · Twitter for Android 56.6K Retweets 329 Quote Tweets 366K Likes

26.

Human - Alp Ozcelik @alplicable Vision Eurovision Translate Tweet 5:10 PM · 2021-02-03 · Twitter Web App 25.1K Retweets 1,100 Quote Tweets 188K Likes

27.

Organism - Pinko @PinkoScare | sill think it's wild that we called this generation "zoomers" before the pandemic forced schools to go onto Zoom. There will absolutely be a common misconception twenty years from now that zoomers got the nickname from the pandemic. 8:42 PM · 2021-02-03 · Twitter for Android 9,735 Retweets 329 Quote Tweets 93.1K Likes

28.

Organism - A Sarah A A @goblinkoenig Today I learned that this exists. It's a viscacha. I feel you, buddy 7:22 PM · 2021-02-03 · Twitter for Android 47K Retweets 3,540 Quote Tweets 220K Likes

29.

Font - Jewish Space Lawyer @BeeeejEsq ... Fed up with your girlfriend stealing your clothing? Marry her. I'm in my ninth year of knowing exactly where all my hoodies are. 11:29 AM · 2021-02-03 · Twitter for iPhone 314 Retweets 28 Quote Tweets 2,010 Likes

30.

Organism - Sarah Michelle Yeller ... @catstronomical my personal conspiracy theory is that ryan gosling and kid rock are the same guy stuck in a hannah montana situation 7:26 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone

31.

Organism - jon drake @DrakeGatsby One of the things I miss most about going to restaurants is the little performance we would put on where the waiter reads us the specials and we act like we might order one of them 10:16 AM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 602 Retweets 33 Quote Tweets 8,618 Likes

32.

Human - Geeky VSteven @geekysteven Sure, everyone loves Fritos. Except for the frito miners who die from chili cheese lung. 11:28 AM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter Web App 49 Retweets 1Quote Tweet 126 Likes

33.

Font - jenny 4 cavallero @jennycavallero Do you ever feel Like a plastic bag In a larger bag Full of plastic bags 8:28 PM · 2021-02-04 · Twitter for iPhone 504 Retweets 16 Quote Tweets 3,809 Likes

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