30 Clever Tweets & Funny Observations

Twitter can often feel like a hellscape of infighting and banal political commentary depending on the trend of the week, but if you spend an unhealthy amount of time exploring Twitter for the funny bits (like we do), you'll find that it's also a goldmine of witty zingers, shower thoughts, puns, and funny observations. And if you don't want to wade through the unpleasantries (which we totally get), you're in luck because we've collected some amusing tidbits from the fun side of Twitter

1.

Text - Adam @adamgreattweet Went to bed feeling like the main character and woke up feeling like a NPC 12:36 PM · 2020-11-28 · Twitter for iPhone 81 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 369 Likes

2.

Text - dirt prince @pant_leg does anyone know how to relax 11:46 AM · 2020-02-29· Twitter for iPhone 33.6K Retweets 833 Quote Tweets 114K Likes

3.

Text - Kyle @KylePlantEmoji Why are they called paintings. Ur done. That there's a Painted 6:37 PM · 2020-11-15 · Twitter for Android 26.1K Retweets 941 Quote Tweets 246K Likes

4.

Text - Kyle @KylePlantEmoji ... Drill Sgt: what's your name, private? Private: Dan, sir Sgt: private dancer? Private: if you pay me enough, sir 5:52 PM · 2020-11-26 · Twitter for Android 98 Retweets 1,272 Likes

5.

Text - rudy betrayed @rudy_betrayed date: what do you do for work me: i crush cans at the recycling plant date: hmm that sounds cool me: it's soda pressing 11:02 PM · 2020-11-23 · Twitter for iPhone 84 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 1,418 Likes

6.

Text - + holly → @thisishollymay ... babe are you okay? you didn't say 'big stretch' when your cat did a big stretch 5:46 PM · 2020-11-24 · Twitter for iPhone 17.6K Retweets 476 Quote Tweets 170K Likes

7.

Text - batkaren @batkaren Ijust saw a survey that asked "Where do you stand regarding current events?" and Iimmediately thought, "I am definitely opposed to them." 6:42 PM · 2020-11-23 · Twitter Web App 204 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 1,637 Likes

8.

Text - FRO VO @fro_vo me: do 100 centipedes equal 1 dollaripede entomologist: (trying to get rid of me) yes, yes they do 7:27 PM · 2020-08-02 · Twitter for iPhone 174 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 877 Likes

9.

Poster - baby girl da princess @sug_knight ... Girls only want one thing and it's to taste Wallace and Gromit 's moon cheese and crackers 2:02 AM · 2020-11-23 · Twitter for iPhone 15.6K Retweets 1,213 Quote Tweets 116K Likes

10.

Text - kimdaaa ... @kiiimdaaa When I compliment my cat, I make sure to mention specific things like "omg your tail is so beautiful" and "your feet look really fancy" so he knows I'm being sincere 3:30 AM · 2020-11-10 · Twitter for iPhone 460 Retweets 20 Quote Tweets 4,143 Likes

11.

Text - coronavirus themed novelty buck... ... @rachelmillman I love to take a horrible little nap 8:34 PM · 2020-10-19 · Twitter for iPhone 251 Retweets 8 Quote Tweets 2,209 Likes

12.

Text - jebrediah @LlamalnaTux I never know how much laundry detergent to add I just pour until it feels right in my heart 11:12 PM · 2020-09-06 · Twitter for Android 21.7K Retweets 620 Quote Tweets 212K Likes

13.

Text - Daniel Kibblesmith @kibblesmith Why do the Ninja Turtles wear masks 6:41 PM · 2020-11-25 · Twitter for iPhone 261 Retweets 73 Quote Tweets 3,965 Likes

14.

Text - fo ... @fOlake One of my biggest fears is someone secretly watching me eat in my car and think "damn she fuckin that shit up" 7:48 PM · 2020-11-24 · Twitter for iPhone 23.4K Retweets 5,472 Quote Tweets 230K Likes

15.

Text - Ron Iver @ronnui_ Me: Roast me. Friend: Sometimes yo- Me: *sobbing* fuck you 6:38 PM · 2019-08-06 · Twitter for Android 1,159 Retweets 25 Quote Tweets 6,228 Likes

16.

Text - Kellogg's Hard Lemonade @1998hondacoupe going for a run to clear my mind 性 9:58 PM · 2020-11-26 · Twitter for iPhone 96 Retweets 492 Likes

17.

Organism - Rob N Roll @thegallowboob can't stop thinking about this newly discovered species that looks like a butt and called the pigbutt worm 6:51 PM · 2020-11-28 · Twitter for iPhone 25 Retweets 15 Quote Tweets 204 Likes

18.

Text - Corn @snootid how the fuck did the camera man for finding nemo hold his breath for that long 9:50 PM · 2020-11-27 · Twitter for iPhone 350 Retweets 18 Quote Tweets 4,182 Likes

19.

Text - Living Morganism @ok_girlfriend C OW 2:29 PM · 2020-11-27 · Twitter for Android 9,631 Retweets 321 Quote Tweets 96.1K Likes

20.

Text - David Hughes O @david8hughes [guy with clipboard approaches me] Him: do you have a moment for- Me [holding a hotdog to the side of my head]: dude l'm on the fucken phone 11:47 AM · 2016-04-11 · Twitter for iPhone 1,100 Retweets 9 Quote Tweets 3,177 Likes

21.

Text - marf @MarfSalvador me: [straddles chair to look real cool] executioner: no 9:34 AM · 2018-02-07 · Twitter Web Client 2,378 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 9,308 Likes

22.

Organism - Robert Manchild @RobertManchild Would a Xenomorph wear a mask Like or Like This This 11:12 PM · 2020-11-27 · Twitter for iPhone 2,798 Retweets 305 Quote Tweets 17.6K Likes

23.

Text - jo •.. @WhaJoTalkinBout remember the 90s when everybody only hurt sometimes 4:28 PM · 2019-05-11 · Twitter for iPhone 894 Retweets 10 Quote Tweets 3,309 Likes

24.

Text - slate @PleaseBeGneiss salt shakers are all S a t or .•S.·A :L..T.... there is no in between 1:42 PM · 2020-11-27 · Twitter for iPhone 159 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 2,158 Likes

25.

Text - i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan just woke up! time for me to s t a y in bed for ano ther tWo hour s contemp latıng the consequen c e s of exIst Ing and greet the day!!! 2:05 PM · 2020-11-27 · Twitter for iPhone 5,198 Retweets 97 Quote Tweets 52.1K Likes

26.

Text - Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 What if you go to Heaven and God is wearing jorts 2:27 AM · 2020-11-26 · Twitter Web App 122 Retweets 25 Quote Tweets 1,152 Likes

27.

Text - corri+ @okiecorri bf = bad feelings gf = good feelings coincidence? 2:17 PM · 2020-11-25 · Twitter for iPhone 381 Retweets 28 Quote Tweets 6,338 Likes

28.

Text - John Kennedy @FrazzleMyGimp ME: Can I buy you a drink? HER:I have a boyfriend. ME: {counting coins on the table} He can only get something small then. 12:29 PM · 2018-05-16 · Twitter for iPhone 61.9K Retweets 881 Quote Tweets 285K Likes

29.

Text - John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes lhand them a photo of me and walk away. 2:38 PM · 2012-09-28 · Twitter for iPhone 827 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 1,307 Likes

30.

Text - TM @_JamesOG_ do you ever catch yourself being mean for no reason and you're just like???? go take a nap????? 12:09 PM · 2020-11-27 · Twitter for Android 22.7K Retweets 2,838 Quote Tweets 131K Likes

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