34 Tweets Filled With Clever Humor

If you're looking to indulge in some clever tweets without having to enter the hellhole that is Twitter these days, you've come to the right place. While we can't promise that these tweets avoid politics altogether, they do boast a lot of the fun that seems to be missing from the site lately. From silly anecdotes to relatable and self-deprecating humor, we're willing to bet there's something in this gallery for everyone.  

1.

Text - hype @TheHyyyуре the election is like harry potter. trump is volderbort. biden is dumplegore. nevada is hermiomi. the voters are buggles. cnn is hangrib. fox news is rom beasley. arizona is profesor snake. the electoral college is larry potter. the vote counters are meth beaters. dogfarts. 9:16 PM · 2020-11-05 · Twitter for Android 77 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 562 Likes

2.

Text - Madimoiselles @drivingmemadi trump: mail-in ballots are forbidden! everyone: no buddy, they're for biden 6:22 PM · 2020-11-06 · Twitter for iPhone 731 Retweets 17 Quote Tweets 6,827 Likes

3.

Text - Indy 9 @IndecisiveJones republicans: dems bribed voters with candy bars me: give me a break republicans : *eyes narrow* me: give me a break 1:46 PM · 2020-11-06 · Twitter for iPhone 134 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 1,272 Likes

4.

Text - austin @aust_inpain My theory is that Kanye won Nevada and they don't know how to tell us 8:18 PM · 2020-11-05 · Twitter for iPhone 47.7K Retweets 2,950 Quote Tweets 271K Likes

5.

Text - *sigh*clops @aotakeo daughter: any pizza l'm eating is my favorite pizza me: I have nothing to teach you 9:38 AM · 2020-01-10 · Twitter for iPhone 294 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 2,055 Likes

6.

Text - cullen "swamp trash" crawford @HelloCullen / year resume gap marked "Not Drugs" 2:21 PM · 2014-03-19 · Twitter Web Client 1,070 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 3,567 Likes

7.

Text - Four Seasona Total Sweatpants ... EAT THE RICH @House_Feminist Fact: You're more likely to be killed by a guy wearing a tshirt with a wolf on it than an actual wolf 7:36 PM · 2017-01-12 · Twitter for iPhone 2,864 Retweets 91 Quote Tweets 7,625 Likes

8.

Text - Jester D @JustMeTurtle Little car in the full parking lot, You look like an empty parking spot. You give hope where there is nought. Thate you. 8:38 AM · 2019-02-27 · Twitter for iPhone 318 Retweets 9 Quote Tweets 698 Likes

9.

Text - MILF-bot 2000 TM (aka Manda) @mommywhitfield *develops capacity for complex thought* *spends remainder of life crushed by existential dread* 11:08 AM · 2017-01-26 · Twitter for Android 1,010 Retweets 22 Quote Tweets 1,452 Likes

10.

Text - 73 days ... @educated_educ8r Having a big nose is not an excuse for not wearing a mask. I still wear underwear. 11:18 AM · 2020-11-08 · Twitter for iPhone 74 Retweets 28 Quote Tweets 524 Likes

11.

Text - The Ghost of Swan Corleone @Swan_Corleone2 Me: One time I was swimming and a pod of whales appeared out of nowhere! Wow, the feeling! A sudden rush of happiness! Friend: *Nodding* endorphins Me: No, just whales 8:36 AM · 2020-11-06 · Twitter for Android

12.

Text - Taming Fred Savage @FredTaming me: i'll have the mouse, please waiter: that's mousse, sir me: never mind then, that'll be way too much food 11:13 AM · 2020-02-13 · Twitter Web App 1,684 Retweets 26 Quote Tweets 10K Likes

13.

Text - Rachel @femaleredhead trump my ex lasting half as long as he wanted in a position 3:57 PM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for iPhone 123 Retweets 13 Quote Tweets 1,492 Likes

14.

Text - jon drake @DrakeGatsby Old man yells at cloud. Young man yells at cloud. We all shout in terror at the sky pillows because we fear them and the secrets they hold. 7:00 PM · 2020-11-08 · Twitter for iPhone 103 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 1,042 Likes

15.

Text - soul nate @MNateShyamalan are there sour patch adults? or are these guys unsupervised 8:13 PM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for iPhone 126 Retweets 1,408 Likes

16.

Text - Village Person @SvnSxty ... *pearly gates* St. Peter: *humming the final jeopardy song as he looks through a file* Alex Trebek: hilarious 1:35 PM · 2020-11-08 · Twitter for Android 527 Retweets 30 Quote Tweets 4,475 Likes

17.

Text - Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker Four Seasons Total Landscaping is one of those things l'll just randomly think of and laugh at for the rest of my life 12:53 AM · 2020-11-08 · Twitter for iPhone 4,947 Retweets 266 Quote Tweets 51.3K Likes

18.

Text - Wilde Thingy ... @wildethingy me at 18:1 shall write and direct a film that will change movies forever! me at 28: l'll write jokes for famous comedians. me now:I hope this tweet gets 10 likes. 12:01 PM · 2018-11-11 · Twitter for Android 356 Retweets 9 Quote Tweets 1,543 Likes

19.

Text - Lil Jokerella K @LJokerella ... my boyfriend when I list my exes: STOP THE COUNT 12:43 AM · 2020-11-05 · Twitter for Android 76 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 399 Likes

20.

Text - WineMummy @WineMummy Me: *desperately looks for hope* Hope: I have a girlfriend. 7:51 PM · 2016-09-05 · Twitter for iPhone 223 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 360 Likes

21.

Text - Adam Cerious @Browtweaten rumpelstiltskin: your child is mine unless you can guess my name within three days barista: oh no 2:34 PM · 2020-11-05 · Twitter for Android 91 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 639 Likes

22.

Text - Justin Miller @justinjm1 I became a journalist because I can't do math. I was told there would be no math. 12:42 PM · 2020-11-05 · Twitter Web App 2,854 Retweets 728 Quote Tweets 39.1K Likes

23.

Text - Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix offee skes me Мe: Неу Alexа- Alexa: OMG WHEN ARE YOU GOING BACK TO THE OFFICE 11:26 AM · 2020-10-20 · Twitter Web App 281 Retweets 11 Quote Tweets 1,208 Likes

24.

Text - Pinky's Brain @mack44_d She said she was a cat person... ...but the way she reacted when I pushed her off the bed told a very different story. 9:44 AM · 2020-09-19 · Twitter for iPhone 167 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 378 Likes

25.

Text - Annie Hatfield @HatfieldAnne *takes your face in my hands* I will never know the lyrics to Come on Eileen. But--look at me--I will never stop singing it AS IF I DO. 4:55 PM · 2016-06-10 · Twitter Web Client 1,363 Retweets 21 Quote Tweets 2,492 Likes

26.

Text - Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969 audrey turns irate loretta goes into a snit evelyn becomes vexed harriet has a fit of pique dorothy gets slightly miffed bev rages 10:09 AM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for iPhone 163 Retweets 12 Quote Tweets 713 Likes 90

27.

Text - Arianna Bradford @TheNYAMProject Melania's gonna go out for cigarettes and not come back, you watch. 11:11 PM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for iPhone 119 Retweets 10 Quote Tweets 1,250 Likes

28.

Text - SueCorvette ... @suecorvette [buying condoms] assistant: would you like a bag him: nah she's not that ugly 8:53 PM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for iPhone 88 Retweets 5 Quote Tweets 323 Likes

29.

Text - He Called Me Greenhorn @WhatsAGreenhorn Saw this in a Bumble profile and swiped left because that is 29 too many bitches M 30 BITCHES 30 2:28 PM · 2019-12-02 · Twitter for Android 107 Retweets 8 Quote Tweets 469 Likes

30.

Text - *sigh*clops @aotakeo ME: trump lost weeee! THERAPIST: come back, there is still so much wrong with you 8:28 PM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for iPhone 176 Retweets 8 Quote Tweets 1,059 Likes

31.

Text - *sigh*clops @aotakeo Goldilocks: [on Xanax] you know what? these are all fine 9:40 PM · 2020-02-26 · Twitter for iPhone 825 Retweets 8 Quote Tweets 3,859 Likes

32.

Text - hype @TheHyyyype [drunk superman passes out at a party] frat guy: Imao look dudes, i'm drawing glasses on superm- whoever the hell this guy is 10:53 AM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for Android 570 Retweets 15 Quote Tweets 3,703 Likes

33.

Text - m@thew ... @TweetPotato314 bruce wayne: i am going to help the citizens of gotham alfred: that's wonderful sir which public assistance programs will you help fund bruce wayne: alfred, dress me like a bat 11:43 AM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for iPhone 2,053 Retweets 68 Quote Tweets 12K Likes

34.

Organism - Adam @adamgreattweet Me whenever I see a fish tank at a restaurant 10:32 AM · 2020-11-07 · Twitter for iPhone 256 Retweets 16 Quote Tweets 1,989 Likes

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