Clever Comebacks And Sick Burns That Deserve Respect

Tilesh Bo December 30, 2020

While we're in quarantine very few of us will be able to serve up that IRL comeback heat. But because we're suckers for seeing people roasted and toasted, we've collected some burns and comebacks that were served up on the internet. We're gonna be here for a while, why not enjoy some quality roasts while we're at it?

1.

Text - RainnWilson O @rainnwilson I've decided to stop using toilet paper. 9:23 PM 3/18/20 · Twitter for iPhone 680 Retweets 12.3K Likes Jenna Fischer O @jennafischer 11h Replying to @rainnwilson Why are you acting like this is a new decision? Q 86 27155 8,178

2.

Text - SMG @sammandigee well that's the toilet paper situation sorted S The Sun O @TheSun · 2d In this time of crisis, get The Sun delivered FREE to your home for 12 weeks thesun.co.uk/news/11187871/... 1:18 PM · 17 Mar 20 · Twitter for iPhone 9,858 Retweets 45.1K Likes

3.

Text - alex @bahayogi Actually, soaps do help. The virus is a self-assembled nanoparticle and the weakest link is the lipid bilayer. When you wash your hands with soap it dissolves the fatty membrane and the virus falls apart thus becoming "inactive". Please wash your hands. TheeSkinnyLegend TM @MyLifeAsR... · 1d Fun fact: antiBACTERIAL soaps that kill 99.9% of bacteria, do nothing against VIRUSES. And corona is in fact a vIRUS. Posted in r/MurderedByWords O reddit

4.

Text - Нореeее @Jaixtra Condom sex does NOT count .. just hear me out e.A theory ..If you wash your hands with gloves on .. did you really wash your hands ? I see your point, but lemme ask you this. If I strangled you to death with gloves on, did I really strangle you to death? Yeah, shut the fuck up... A HornDawG 16h 3.2K 132

5.

Text - Deutalios 818 • 1 month ago It's something that is supposedly real, but it isn't. It's also known as the "Love Hormone". 36 Paul The not So Great • 1 month ago Deutalios 818 uhmm Med student here... "Oxytocin" is real. Its produced in our Hypothalamus and secreted by our Neurohypophysis. They have various functions but generally are star players in Women giving birth. Oxytocin causes thr Uterine contractions in the muscles of the uterus and that eventually pushes the baby out. Also, with

6.

Text - lala coronavirus has to be a man the way he @daddydanie12· 1d keeps fucking shit up 320 2743.7K 192K ChadMan45 @CactusLois · 1d Like Hurricane Katrina wasnt a woman 2731 O 512 lala @daddydanie12 - 13h Name ? Arteo @TheNewLegacy2 No, cause it blew everyone in the general vicinity. 10:51 · 18/03/2020 · Twitter Web App

7.

Text - "Any dog under 50 lbs is a cat and cats are pointless." 30 5m Vare ia 12m So.... any dog under 50 lbs is pointless then 6m 5m Look at you, learning the associative property. You go girl

8.

Text - Tyler | Code WILDCAT O @L_AM_WILDCAT · 18h Who should I have on the podcast next? 00 Think l'll be doing this one online from home lol 824 23 90 5.1K David Robinson @d_rob12 · 15h You're scared about a common cold? 5 18 Tyler | Code WILDCAT @L_AM_WILDCAT Replying to @d_rob12 Just following the guidelines advised by the organization made up of individuals who have dedicated their entire lives to studying diseases and how to control and prevent them. I promise they know more than you. 7:54

9.

Text - elies @cetELIESparibus For my next job interview, I'm gonna ask my "future" employer on "what are the things you've done for your employees during the COVID-19 community quarantine".

10.

Text - Atarah's Mommy @Tash_1310 We no longer go for looks. We go for maturity, stability, loyalty and peace SPIRITUAL WORD BRIDGING CULTURE WITH CHRISTIANITY Fella In Versace @ShadayaKnight If only you had this mindest before you became a single mom

11.

Text - Most Relevant Shaun McGehan So many of us just lost our jobs today and will not be able to pay our bills because of it. How are you going to help that? How will sacrificing us and leaving us without income, and potentially places to live, better help the economy in the long run? 49 2h Like Reply Author Jared Polis Because if we are dead there won't be an economy. 581 2h Like Reply

12.

Text - • 4h Nobody cares. I fucked your mom -32 4h 2 Awards My mom is literally a jar of ashes buddy and it's still the wettest pussy you've ever gotten 63 That wound will never fully heal. He will carry it the rest of his life. Posted in r/lotrmemes by u/DoYouMindMate reddit

13.

Text - Arlind @lron_Cub · Jun 17 this is fucked 37 Callie Klein @BadGalCallie Jun 17 Fucked like ya face? t7 "...It's all fine now." Retweeted Arlind @lron_Cub Replying to @BadGalCallie @Cuckwin and 2 others my oldschool runescape videos get more views than your porn please don't pipe up 8:52 PM Jun 17, 2019 Twitter Web Client 499 Retweets 2.2K Likes

14.

Text - #ThePersistence O @ScottPre.. · 13h Replying to @realDonaldTrump I can't wait to vote for you this November. Q 431 27800 '6,631 1, David Murray @DavidJMurrayJr · 12h I can't wait to counter your vote with mine O 222 2747 ' 2,187

15.

Text - Ja Rule @jarule If y'all need me l'll be in Alaska... 20:30 · 12/03/2020 · Twitter for iPhone 317 Retweets 1,491 Likes Kokain Dawkins @kokain_d... 1d v Replying to @jarule Nobody has needed you since 2005 bro O 14 t782 O 1,016 6 reddit

16.

Text - Male privilege is wearing the same outfit multiple times to events while girls cant wear the same dress twice no matter how cute it is LALO DAGACH POLN @LaloDagach AGACH There isn't a single straight man on earth that cares if u wear the same cute dress twice. The negative comments will come from other women.

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Tagged: sassy comebacks , roasting , FAIL , the internets , witty comebacks , clever comebacks , funny tweets , funny

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