Witty & Relatable Tweets From The Best Of Twitter

We're back with another round of fresh, funny, and relatable tweets from true masters of wit. If you often wish there was an easy way to see a stream of hilarious tidbits from Twitter without all the schlock, it's your lucky day because we've curated a collection of hot tweets that are sure to please. In this gallery you'll find funny takes on current events, relatable complaints, and random observations that make you think. We've got even more quality tweets here if you're still in the mood after this selection. 

1.

Text - slate @PleaseBeGneiss it's called the weekend yet weeks keep happening 3:32 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 391 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 3,192 Likes

2.

Text - kirby¥ @deathstuds "santa isn't real" ok? i literally saw him at the mall 3:15 PM · 2020-12-10 · Twitter for iPhone 52.4K Retweets 1,839 Quote Tweets 476K Likes

3.

Engineering - Tanner @oTanner15 nice try, alien There Is No Secret Underground Base on Mars By HUGH MANN DEC 08, 2020 • 2:05 PM 11:27 PM · 2020-12-08 · Twitter Web App 2,403 Retweets 53 Quote Tweets 22.7K Likes

4.

Text - Paprika @AlexMarieMartin I hate how I am a "I have an appointment at 4pm so I can't do anything all day" type of person 4:34 PM · 2020-12-10 · Twitter for iPhone 37.8K Retweets 4,144 Quote Tweets 288K Likes

5.

Text - pat regan @poregan There should be an option that's more than sleeping but not as much as being dead 5:18 PM · 2020-12-10 · Twitter Web App 3,036 Retweets 775 Quote Tweets 44K Likes

6.

Text - Ron Iver @ronnui_ Why do auto repair shops always seem so annoyed that you're bringing your car in? Like l'm sorryl also don't like that my engine sounds like bees when I go above 30, l'm on your side. 12:40 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for Android 1,110 Retweets 43 Quote Tweets 22.4K Likes

7.

Text - Jackie Sojico @jackiesojico •.. I just learned that Scotland names their entire snowplow fleet and the names are incredible Traffic Service Plans Winter Treatment Traffic Scotland Website Scotland Trunk Road Gritter Tracker Find address, place, gritte GANGSTA GRANNY GRITTER verness SPRINKLES herdeen MR PLOW RUMBLE POLAR BEAR EXPLORER ICE DESTROYER READY SPREADY GO. FOR YOUR ICÉ ONLY BFG - BIG FRIENDLY GRITTER YES SİR ICE CAN BOOGIE SNOW DOZERrgh. SALTY SNOWBÁLL SPREADY MERCURY SNOW DESTRO

8.

Text - silent nate, holy nate @MNateShyamalan ... hello, hasbro? i'm calling about- yes, it's me again. calling about the- that's right, the furbies. seems they've invented god again. they're chanting and they've trapped me in the bathroom. sure ok. yes, i can hold. 11:45 PM · 2020-12-10 · Twitter for iPhone 950 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 7,165 Likes

9.

Text - Rick Aaron ... @RickAaron I got the Pfizer vaccine and so pfar l've had no pflu symptoms. I pfeel just pfine which is pfantastic! 9:12 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 378 Retweets 24 Quote Tweets 2,201 Likes

10.

emiliaaa. @emiliaburgin_3 Making weird faces in pictures because it's better to look ugly on purpose 11:03 AM · 2020-12-12 · Twitter for iPhone 542 Retweets 36 Quote Tweets 1,882 Likes

11.

Text - romeric @ihatethiskid I didn't think I could read lips until everyone started wearing masks and now I realizel can't hear 9:40 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 28 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 224 Likes

12.

Text - kristy @knot_kristy ... i miss when my mom would fix girls nails after they got in a fight for free if they showed her the fight video 4:02 PM · 2020-12-10 · Twitter for iPhone 21.7K Retweets 2,721 Quote Tweets 395K Likes

13.

Text - ences Human detty @0ddette So God created man in His own image. dudes rock Italian husband storms off on a 280- MILE, seven-day walk to calm down after arguing with his wife - and is fined $450 for breaking Covid restrictions The man, 48, went for a week-long hike from Como to the beach resort of Fano EBERI on the Adriatic coast to soothe his anger following the heated exchange with st Rome his wife. f Share 958 64 comments 10:48 AM · 2020-12-07 · Twitter for iPhone 864 Retweets 209 Quote

14.

Text - Chelsea Peretti @chelseaperetti hiding as i hear my son say "its time to play candyland" in the distance 12:35 PM · 2020-12-09 · Twitter for iPhone 373 Retweets 108 Quote Tweets 29.7K Likes

15.

Jaw - Uncle Pluto @DevilManDoppio Egyptians in 3,000 BCE Мeow bruh this MF is god I know y'all see it 5:54 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 30.9K Retweets 1,562 Quote Tweets 202K Likes

16.

Text - Lindsi the Pigeon @flindis If you don't say “OH, DASSA BIG STRETCH!" when you're pet stretches, you die. 11:49 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 237 Retweets 22 Quote Tweets 2,457 Likes

17.

Text - tatum @50FirstTates statistically speaking if 3 million people are getting the vaccine one of them will die in a car crash on the way home which means my idiot aunt is going to facebook message me that the vaccine causes car accidents 5:47 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter Web App 129 Retweets 7 Quote Tweets 1,000 Likes

18.

Text - carter hambley @carterhambley when twins arent identical im like ok then what was the point of all that 1:39 AM · 2020-12-12 · Twitter for iPhone 26.7K Retweets 3,868 Quote Tweets 402K Likes

19.

Mouth - caitie delaney @caitiedelaney Me at my first outing post vaccine and I feel God in this Chili's tonight. 9:13 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 27K Retweets 891 Quote Tweets 262K Likes

20.

Text - ghost brew @emilyktatro if i get a nose job will my ghost also have a nose job 12:53 AM · 2020-10-16 · Twitter for iPhone 28 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 229 Likes

21.

Text - slate @PleaseBeGneiss [dancing lessons] instructor: you have two left– uh centaur: what instructor: centaur: i have two left what, mandy 2:32 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 98 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 1,013 Likes

22.

Text - Dr. Pumpkin Spiceotope @Buckylsotope *knock on door* "Sir have you found Jesus?" Uh, no. Goodbye. *shuts door* *Jesus steps out from behind door with gun* Good answer 12:25 AM · 2015-09-10 · Tweetbot for iOS 13.8K Retweets 90 Quote Tweets 28.9K Likes

23.

Text - kirby @deathstuds ... she said she made me a playlist and it had 14 likes on it already 2:25 AM · 2020-12-08 · Twitter for iPhone 1,379 Retweets 229 Quote Tweets 34.4K Likes

24.

Fictional character - Colby Day @thecolbyday ... If you live in America one of these two men is always the president. 1:30 PM · 2020-12-12 · Twitter for iPhone 9,475 Retweets 498 Quote Tweets 109K Likes

25.

Text - pj evans @pjayevans ... i love when you buy something with a bigger bill than it costs and you get some money back. it's like "ok now you pay me" haha 11:09 PM · 2020-11-22 · Twitter for iPhone 25 Retweets 833 Likes

26.

Text - i can be your long lost pal @PallaviGunalan me at the end of every relationship: Aiden Thomas @aidensch... · 2020-08-24 JUST FOUND OUT I'VE BEEN WATERING A FAKE PLANT FOR FOUR FUCKING MONTHS. Show this thread 2:11 PM · 2020-08-25 · Twitter for iPhone 10.7K Retweets 111 Quote Tweets 95K Likes

27.

Text - rob, from online. @robfromonline hello etticial crazy how before dating apps the only way to meet someone was to bump headfirst into them while carrying a huge stack of important papers 3:56 PM · 2020-01-08 · Twitter for iPhone 10.8K Retweets 131 Quote Tweets 96.9K Likes

28.

Text - CaitieHannan @caitiehannan As a therapist I can say confidently, that while therapy is helpful, what most people really need is money 6:20 PM · 2020-12-10 · Twitter Web App 23.3K Retweets 3,262 Quote Tweets 129K Likes

29.

Yellow - LEONARD CO SONGS OF OVE AN Emily Pothast @emilypothast The New York Eimes Pantone Picks Two Colors of the Year for 2021 It's all about the messaging. Get ready for a brighter future. "Illuminating" and "Ultimate Gray" are Pantone's 2021 Colors of the Year, via Pantone 11:36 PM · 2020-12-09 · Twitter Web App 13.3K Retweets 1,288 Quote Tweets 92.3K Likes

30.

Text - dk @dakarrier me: *empties water bottle into lake* go, you're free now 1:56 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter Web App

31.

Text - romeric ... @ihatethiskid If we go on a date we're getting appetizers bc that's what my hors d'serve 8:49 PM · 2020-12-09 · Twitter for iPhone 40.4K Retweets 2,120 Quote Tweets 454K Likes

32.

Text - Lucy Hunt @lucy_hunt The best email signature l've ever seen: "It is normal for me to take 2 days to read my emails and 2 more days to reflect on the matter and respond calmly. The culture of immediacy and the constant fragmentation of time are not very compatible with the kind of life I lead." 9:47 AM · 2020-12-10 · Twitter Web App 21.7K Retweets 3,999 Quote Tweets 195K Likes

33.

Text - Sneh + @MsApricus Life is like chess, I dunno how to play chess. 2:24 AM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 183 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 692 Likes

34.

Text - slate @PleaseBeGneiss nobody: mitosis: O 0 8 : Translate Tweet 12:06 AM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 1,908 Retweets 67 Quote Tweets 19.9K Likes

35.

Text - Jen Lewis @thisjenlewis Omg finally ORIGINAL WHERE IS GooFY's WIFE? 11:24 PM · 2020-12-10 · Twitter Web App 3,444 Retweets 535 Quote Tweets 43.9K Likes

36.

Text - Bewg @bewgtweets December is like the credits portion of the year if it were a movie and oh boy I do not want bonus scenes for this one 11:00 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 35 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 173 Likes

37.

Text - Mom Jeans ... @momjeansplease Can someone please explain to my daughter that you are supposed to fart before you blame it on the dog not after 2:34 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 44 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 879 Likes

38.

Text - slate @PleaseBeGneiss saran wrap wakes up every day and chooses chaos 9:31 PM · 2020-12-11 · Twitter for iPhone 308 Retweets 13 Quote Tweets 2,126 Likes

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