43 Toxic Messages From Desperate Softbois

Don't let the term fool you—softbois are not simply in touch with their emotions (we're all for that!) A softboi will often use corny platitudes and 'alternative' interests to get laid. If someone rejects or ignores them, a softboi will quickly become bitter and turn to insults. A sensitive person might write 'I'm delicate like a sea sponge' in their tinder bio, whereas a softboi would say something like, 'I'm into red wine and girls with daddy issues.' The @beam_me_up_softboi Instagram account is dedicated to documenting the most wince-worthy instances of softboi cringe. Out of the hundreds of submissions they've posted, we've narrowed it down to forty-three to give you a taste. 

1.

Text - Text - I'm an outsider but I don't enjoy shrek Yesterday 20:25 can't believe this Yesterday 20:49 It's just not very enjoyable There are much better films okay true Sent Today 14:25 Please tell me you've watched pulp fiction

2.

Text - *touches u* *touches u* *pulls u close, kisses u, makes u feel shy* That's inappropriate everyone looks better with a little blush anyway elevated ur beauty Today 10:17 pm i want to shoot guns at the night sky and speed the wrong way on the freeway with my eyes closed

3.

Text - I just don't think that a spiritual connection between two souls should be inhibited by mass produced plastics

4.

Text - There's a certain amount of respect I would love to obtain with you. But this aspect of understanding and knowledge of each other, I would love to get to know you better in all ways in order to respect you more fully, ways I can obtain this respect comes with the knowledge of knowing you better physically, mentally, spiritually, and in all other aspects. Shall we start with our physical aspects. Knowledge of each other physically can be accomplished in serval ways, perhaps a tactic of und

5.

Text - YOU MATCHED WITH Неу Ngl I literally just broke up w my girlfriend so idk what tf l'm doing right now lol Hahah do I look like a therapist Sent

6.

Text - It is a guarantee that I will analyze every situation and conversation and correct you when you are wrong factually, morally & otherwise You will make errors and I wll notify you. If you find that bothersome I understand Im just doing my do diligence to prepare you mentally for who I am Кay Due* diligence

7.

Text - Please don't take offence but judging from pictures. You definitely smoke weed listen to metal. Maybe take asid and whatever else. Drink lots of druids or buck fast like black lipstick and nail polish and might also be bisexual. But l'm ok with all that because I'm a bit of a weirdo when you get to know me aswell xx

8.

Text - YOU MATCHED WITH | 8/30/20 People ask me. man or a boobs man" i say neither im a music man with ass leaning tendencies. "But why" these seemingly boundariless characters promt. "Because" i explain "you can only see her ass, but through music you can see her taste, which is very important if youre spending so much time with her ass" are you ass

9.

Text - Skiing, mountain biking, photography, skateboarding, idk I'm a weird guy. Not into normal shit like every other guy you'll ever meet haha

10.

Text - YOU MATCHED WITH ON 13/10/2020. Hey, I would ask for nudes but we are all inherently naked against the encroaching loneliness that is the human condition. Dogs or cats?

11.

Text - Send me nudes. Not your naked body, not your bare skin, but your nudes, your naked truths. Your secrets. Your lies. Your fears. The unfiltered thoughts you've kept for years. I won't judge. l'Il listen. For your truths are real and that's who I want. I want to come. Not on your face or your tits. But I want to come over when you need me. Those late nights when you have so much on your mind, l'Il be there. My Anthem The Climb ONTANA M ENrvi O Miley Cyrus

12.

Text - YOU MATCHED W NI ON 3/31/20 The Strokes are pretty cool. Maybe "Someday" you can stroke me to0 ;)

13.

Text - Tell me about yourself Define life and the purpose for being alive let me understand your mind Intelligence turns me on Make my nipples hard l'm waiting..my Spiritual nipples Am I being pranked

14.

Text - You're also Moroccan If I remember correctly Which is quite an exotic mix Im not as out of touch and oblivious as most people would like me to be iim not morroccan You actually have very beautiful features I would imagine are a result of the combination But let's not digress No? Well I smoke a lot of weed and may not entirely remember your cultural brakdown I apologize

15.

Text - YOU MATCHED W D 0/1/20 Heyyyy ok ok here's what's up. i find you hella attractive but i'm tryna ruin your life ya know, take you on some dates, some parties, maybe spend the night sometimes, but never labeling anything. we can talk all day, facetime, i'll get small gifts and flowers, and just when you think we'll be going official, boom, i slip into the night, ghost, no explanation and that's the you'd never hear from me again so what do you say?

16.

Text - Tomie, would you be interested in practicing safe sex magick with me? The full moon will be up and Venus will be in Leo. My Venus sign is Leo. If you are willing then l'd like to heal together with you. I've got condoms and water based lube. Runes written with tongue tips, infused oil for stimulation, hand holding during a transfer of energy, kisses for curing us of energy that does not serve us anymore and cuddling after performing alchemy with only you and I. Nope!!! Seen

17.

Text - God you're a little sad But it's hot am I supposed to say thanks? Delivered "Thanks a lot "actually Message

18.

Text - I'm probably asking for way too much here but are there any intellectuals on this? Seems like everyone's too focused on fabricating their vanity projects on insta to care about reality My anthem AllAlong * Watch+ower lin L

19.

Text - *blushes* um.. uh... hello m'lady.. q- quite a beautiful day we are having! B-but not nearly as starkly beautiful as thou! Here I was innocently scrolling when your radiance struck me as swift and true as lightning! Lo there were angels singing and my feet felt light to think of your lips touching mine for even a moment! I am a worm graced by your presence. Please m'lady reach into the incredible depth of your heart and send feet pics

20.

Text - YOU MATCHED WITI ON 07/08/2020. Haha! Come to daddy, I've got spanks and love for you Today 07:46 Hahaha what an opener Everybody wants a man, problem is there aren't any anymore... Till now, I am the first Man because i understand. I understand that women live in fear of men and themselves. Have no fear. There is only love. You are the waterfall.

21.

Text - Beauty needs a witnesses. Each woman is an instrument, waiting to be learnt, loved and played, to have at least her own true music made. Some may take offence to this, not knowing how a musician views his music. They may think I degrade women. But those people do not understand, lo. music or me

22.

Text - YOU MATCHED WITH N 9/21/20 How does your skin look like that? How much rose hip oil do you drink Today 8:58 AM hahaha i actually do swear by rose hip oil!! Sent Today 9:27 AM I knew I smelled those mild fishy undertones. And chill, I'm not talking about your possible BV. We both know rose hip oil does not smell like roses. Unfortunately

23.

Cartoon - YOU MATCHED WITH ON 13/09/2020. Better to be a crazy cat lady, than to drown... Get thee to a nunnery! ;) Today 01:23

24.

Text - the crepitation of the inobtrusive mechanoid, denatured but nativized, capsulize a germen of meaning, under-explicated but overimplicated...Excuse the cryptic preambulation, meant to write you a sennight ago- I, a trace (Derridean) you may have forgotten: I invited to take you out for supper the day before "ceremony", and labyrinthian Borgean fatalities have prevented me from contacting you sooner. I, thus, am asking when you are available, and "how have you been " :) The sender is not in

25.

Text - Haha I must have been drunk when I super liked you Way to0 young for me, but I mean...yeah, a Tite bitch 2 b sure Mon, Aug 3, 7:54 PM Happy to throw u around sometime anyways tho. Sun, Aug 9, 12:29 AM Wyd Thu, Aug 13, 8:51 AM Aye. You seem cool, so just letting you know. Putting on a secretish show on Saturday nite park. 10pm. at Just gunna be DJing contemporary psychedelic house

26.

Text - Just saying You give me shit but you're the one watching Netflix while I read the odyssey god you're cool

27.

Text - well tbf its kinda like if depression were like exotic wild animals then i would be like Steve Irwin i saw you and i was like oi croikey

28.

Text - We're gonna die one day Everything means nothing So let me nut inside you

29.

Text - My name is slade *kisses your wrist * and you are? No Interesting name Pleasure to meet you miss no 4:17 PM *points my gun at your forehead Give me a reason to not kill you now

30.

Text - Take a second, and imagine we're on a beach... at night. The first 30 minutes or so, we're just vibing, adjusting a good flirt to roast ratio.... until we notice a cop up on the boardwalk nearby. We run and hide underneath it to avoid a $300 fine each for "trespassing". There comes a point though, where he's standing right above us, and I tend to laugh in serious situations. I close my eyes, dropping to my knees in front of you, tilt my head back and purse my lips in, trying my best not t

31.

Text - l 3 08:47 100% YOU MATCHED WITH N 21/10/2019. I wanna stick my tongue so far up your ass that I taste the shit you've been going through

32.

Text - So l'm looking for a ginger with a moderately quirky personality but kinda low self esteem cos they were bullied in high school for being a drama/musical theatre but also kind of boosted self esteem a After fucking a bunch of moderately arts degree style dudes that let them reclaim their sexuality and embrace kind of queer energies while being wholely emotional and comfortable with who they are neato

33.

Text - o Goldsmiths, University of London O 64 kilometres away Ask yourself why there's a compulsion to 'find' someone for your life? Is your own existence not nourishing enough? Are you just following the romanticised conditioning that we 'should' be with someone? Or is there a purely sensual nature to your agenda on here? l'm not here to find anyone per se but open to who this message resonates with. The right person will hear the deeper meaning from my words. That person l'd like to hear from

34.

Text - Why is it so hard to find a date on a dating app? Im not looking to use anyone or bullshit anyone. Im just trying to find someone i can burn a doobie with, maybe go out on a date. And if were still attracted to each other after getting to know one another then we can start to have a physical relationship. And if we do go out here are my rules. As Man, i reserve my right to hold ur hand and determine first kiss. But anything&everything else physical will be 100% in your control. What,when,

35.

Text - I love you Thursday 10:04 I actually find you a little bit annoying and I don't like big breasts that much but I do have this weird obsession w your face. It makes me want to know you haha I feel crazy but it's ok to be crazy 03:41

36.

Text - yeah man idki think i can just separate art and the artist u kno, like manhattan changed the way i look at big age gaps in relationships for example u wanna come over and take some shrooms w me? i've got a really chill psych playlist lol :)

37.

Text - Saturday 12:36 AM Lets listen to tame impala and amy while u ruin my life Also acab is my favorite band! Monday 11:04 PM Today 3:37 AM Deleting tinder soon last chance

38.

Text - Don't hate me if I Already have the record your about to put on. Can I suggest something else

39.

Text - I would date u If u were more lowkey on social media my type of girl is more a lowkey girl kinda insecure so she feels dependent on me hot but doesn't really know it etc that's so lame LMAOO

40.

Text - Today 2:03 pm Well II majored in biochemistry and have a highschool understanding of psychology so I think I know my stuff But I reckon you have some form of anxiety and the change in hair colour is a form of control that grounds you Today 8:55 pm omg tell me more about your expertise in high school psychology ! Sent

41.

Text - traits are and your two best physical features? 16:31 Where were your teaching? You buying a place then? Lol this is quite the quiz/ job interview a!l'd say l'm kind and confident and best physical features...l'd say my eyes...don't know what would come a close second! How about you? 17:53 / Oh l'm Sorry it's coming across as a job interview. its what I get for for trying to offer something different than the norm. You have fun with your boring generic conversations though :) bye now 19:3

42.

Text - https://open.spotify.com/track/ 7oK9VyNzrYvRFo7nQEYkWN? si=rpwQicJoSyafHBiqhFOwlg Spotify Mr. Brightside RLLERS The Killers Spotify Did u just send me mr bright side Do you recognise it

43.

Text - O.K., ladies. I get it. You don't want a pleasant evening chat. You don't want a gentleman to walk you to your car. You don't want a friendly dude to help you carry your groceries...or hold open the door... or crush the life out of other men that would do you harm. Fine - fear the good guys... I guess we'll just have to suffer through watching you get broken over and over by the scum you think you love. But I want you to know – it's not easy, and it hurts to see you fall. Give the good gu

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