Latest Zingers From The Funny Side Of Twitter

We're back with another batch of fresh tweets that showcase the skills of those who can craft a good joke out of 280 characters or less. Some like to quip about the latest news, while others prefer to share short and sweet stories. We welcome all the tweets as long as they make us laugh!

1.

Text - Malik El @AshyMalik before everything goes to hell i just want to say 1 thing. you CAN be a man of value without a bedframe. carry on 1:33 PM · 2020-11-03 · Twitter for iPhone 16 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 205 Likes

2.

Text - ... UR @itsjr_v Someone said this is Lil Wayne and Eminem now I can't stop laughing BLACK LIVES ATTER 4:18 PM · 2020-11-02 · Twitter for iPhone 4,130 Retweets 309 Quote Tweets 23.4K Likes

3.

Text - * Kate @Kateness8 Please tell me you saw it first too TEXT BBWJOBS TO 97211 OR VISIT BATHANDBODYWORKS.COM/CAREERS Message and data rates may apply. 1:42 PM · 2020-10-29 · Twitter for iPhone 47 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 405 Likes

4.

Text - FAT GANDALF @sofarrsogud Buckle up kids, the season finale of America is on. 5:55 PM · 2020-11-02 · Twitter for Android 249 Retweets 14 Quote Tweets 771 Likes

5.

Text - Mal @TheRealPalMal When I became an adultI was so unprepared for how expensive ziplock bags are. 10:15 PM · 2020-10-30 · Twitter for iPhone 333 Retweets 11 Quote Tweets 1,177 Likes

6.

Text - Crockett * @CrockettForReal Never trust anyone who says "let me be Frank" no, what is your real name? 11:22 AM · 2020-10-20 · Twitter for iPhone 448 Retweets 12 Quote Tweets 2,261 Likes

7.

Text - Madimoiselles @drivingmemadi ... | VIIIIII uck this shit. 11:12 PM · 2020-11-03 · Twitter for iPhone

8.

Text - tatum @50FirstTates if trump wins i'm flying to mexico. if biden wins i'm flying to mexico. this isn't political tweet. i am a literal bird. i must migrate for the cold winter months 6:44 PM · 2020-11-03 · Twitter for iPhone 145 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 1,055 Likes

9.

Text - Natevember @perlhack Why is it "the birds and the bees"? It should be "the birds and the other birds" or "the bees and the flowers" This is why our country is behind in science education 11:47 AM · 2020-11-02 · Twitter Web App 89 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 280 Likes

10.

Text - Crockett @CrockettForReal Don't ask me if I'm participating in no nut November, call me when it's time for Donut December 11:09 AM · 2020-11-01 · Twitter for iPhone 73 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 289 Likes

11.

Text - _raven_ @moon_69_ I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something bad's about to happen, I can feel it. 9:25 PM · 2020-10-31 · Twitter for Android 44 Retweets 138 Likes

12.

Text - Just a Chloe ... @CArmanthegirl I'm like a puzzle that's missing lots of pieces but the box looks cool so you try 9:28 PM · 2019-12-14 · Twitter for iPhone 220 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 350 Likes

13.

Text - Lise. Mar ee @TheRealLMaree Feels like the whole country is on Maury waiting to find out who's the father. 9:22 PM · 2020-11-03 · Twitter for Android 188 Retweets 33 Quote Tweets 303 Likes

14.

Text - Quite Interesting O @qikipedia A 2011 study showed that looking at a photo of a lover who has recently broken up with you activates the same areas of the brain as spilling hot coffee on yourself. 7:30 AM · 2020-11-04 · TweetDeck 76 Retweets 33 Quote Tweets 747 Likes

15.

Text - mike cella @mikeVcella Can't let one bad night ruin what's been an amazing year 11:24 PM · 2020-11-03 · Twitter for Android 3,290 Retweets 312 Quote Tweets 17.8K Likes

16.

Text - Ella Zee @EllaZee5 This year is like when you accidentally touch wet cat food. 6:55 PM · 2020-08-10 · Twitter for Android 181 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 433 Likes

17.

Text - Susie Dent O ... @susie_dent Word of the day is 'latibulate' (17th century): to hide in a corner in an attempt to escape reality. 5:50 AM · 2020-10-31 · Twitter for iPhone 9,642 Retweets 3,054 Quote Tweets 46.5K Likes

18.

Text - Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat The internet is not your family. No one is obligated to like you. People will disagree with you, call you names, tell you they wish you were dead, call you fat, criticize your hair, love you one day and hate you the next-- WAIT! Maybe the internet is my family? Mom? 10:51 AM · 2020-11-01 · Twitter for Android 86 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 237 Likes

19.

Text - The Dad BriefsT @SladeWentworth All I'm saying is the makers of Pringles could learn a thing or two from the makers of the push-pop. 9:18 AM · 2020-10-22 · Twitter for iPhone 301 Retweets 28 Quote Tweets 1,624 Likes

20.

Text - *sigh*clops @aotakeo ... God [returning from 200 year vacation] who touched the thermostat? 11:18 AM · 2020-11-01 · Twitter for iPhone 111 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 570 Likes

21.

Text - jon drake @DrakeGatsby Please, Philip Cheesesteak is my father 6:35 PM · 2020-11-01 · Twitter for iPhone 120 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 1,045 Likes

22.

Text - Melvin of York @Melvinof York You sit on the patio, enjoying the surroundings. You turn back to the table and see a basket of mozzarella sticks. "Free appetizers - nice," you think. You take a bite and feel a sharp sting in your cheek as you are yanked skyward. With horror you realize God has taken up fishing 11:59 PM · 2020-10-30 · Twitter Web App

23.

Text - Kyle @KylePlantEmoji ... Asking "business or pleasure?" when people announce they're going to use the restroom 10:56 PM · 2020-10-31 · Twitter for Android 220 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 2,812 Likes

24.

Text - jon drake @DrakeGatsby Building a custom $2500 gaming PC to play Minesweeper at the highest settings 12:51 PM · 2020-11-02 · Twitter for iPhone 31 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 420 Likes

25.

Text - dustin Couch ... @Dustinkcouch one time i shut myself in my room and listened to linkin park while crying because a girl told me she wouldn't be able to go to with me to the 2005 nickelodeon's kids choice awards if i were to hypothetically win tickets in a sweepstakes i saw in a commercial but never entered 7:22 PM · 2019-11-26 · Twitter Web App 20.7K Retweets 529 Quote Tweets 274K Likes

26.

Text - m@thew @TweetPotato314 ... did a mad libs write this BBC News (World) O @BBCWorld 9h NEWS WORLD Russian oligarch nicknamed the 'Sausage King' killed in sauna with crossbow bbc.in/3oOsQnw 11:44 AM · 2020-11-02 · Twitter for iPhone 90 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 1,165 Likes

27.

Text - dinosaur @dinoman_j nothing tests my faith in science more than this dinosaur not dinosaur 11:29 AM · 2020-11-02 · Twitter for Android 3,827 Retweets 235 Quote Tweets 28.4K Likes

28.

Text - m@thew @TweetPotato314 date: what r ur hobbies me: i collect box sets of 90's sitcoms date: oh, do u have friends me: i do not 9:31 AM · 2020-11-02 · Twitter for iPhone 52 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 595 Likes

29.

Text - m@thew @TweetPotato314 [police lineup] me: *points* that's him сор: who me: the man I robbed victim: yeah no. 4 is the guy officer 1:59 PM · 2020-11-01 · Twitter Web App 131 Retweets 2,066 Likes

30.

Text - Blake Hammond @BigRadMachine They say white people don't have their own culture but I just got invited to a gender reveal party for a dog and there's no way we appropriated that from anyone else. 10:02 AM · 2018-10-04 · Twitter for iPhone 3,914 Retweets 198 Quote Tweets 15.1K Likes

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