28 Tweets Filled With Short & Sweet Humor

Twitter's been an absolute nightmare of late between the election, the pandemic, and the unholy areas in which the two intersect. We're sick of the politics, and we're willing to bet that you are, too. To help you enjoy the good parts of Twitter, we've put together some amusing (and often sadly relatable) tweets that will remind you of the good parts of the site. Stay safe out there on the internet, y'all. There's so much to avoid.

1.

Comfort food - pdlif +.° @SUSHIROLES oh to be rice animals smothered in japanese curry 9:47 AM · 2020-10-18 · Twitter for Android 16.3K Retweets 755 Quote Tweets 87K Likes

2.

Text - RedruM @dorsalstream Since it's the Halloween season, l'll give you a treat. Put your hand to your chest. Feel your heartbeat? That's your ghost chipping away at its cell. 12:02 PM · 2018-10-22 · Twitter Web Client 3,307 Retweets 107 Quote Tweets 9,450 Likes

3.

Text - ibid @87bidi The year is 2072. Numbers have lost all meaning. It could be 3247 for all they know. "It's 5486," says one guy, but it could've been 8 guys. 2:43 AM · 2014-11-18 · Twitter for Android 6,055 Retweets 27 Quote Tweets 12.3K Likes

4.

Text - Luke+ @lukeplusone Smashing Pumpkins: 1979 Smashing Pumpkin Spice Latte: $19.79 1:00 PM · 2020-10-18 · Twitter for iPhone 97 Retweets 1 Quote Tweet 315 Likes

5.

Text - Village Person @SvnSxty Doctor: you're anemic Alanis: that's irony Doctor: no 2:28 PM · 2020-10-13 · Twitter for Android 294 Retweets 6 Quote Tweets 1,329 Likes

6.

Text - Brother Ben @SentenceReduced Fries should be offered more often like yes your mortgage is approved would you like fries with that? 8:52 PM · 2020-09-25 · Twitter for iPhone 276 Retweets 4 Quote Tweets 570 Likes

7.

Motor vehicle - Doth @DothTheDoth She's already thinking about murdering her next husband 1:49 PM · 10/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone

8.

Text - Untaming Undead Savage & @FredTaming me: you ever get half way thru a sentence and completely forget what you were taking about lol bank teller: something about a gun 11:21 AM · 2020-10-18 · Twitter for iPhone 487 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 4,667 Likes

9.

Text - court dracula @uspellCoUrTNey When I cook with cilantro I throw in a little soap toO so no one feels genetically superior to anyone else 9:36 PM · 2020-08-14 · Twitter for iPhone 18.8K Retweets 1,107 Quote Tweets 240K Likes

10.

Text - SMadimoiselles @drivingmemadi just want to tell all the sad young people out there, don't lose hope. it gets a lot worse, so lose hope later 12:56 PM · 2020-10-19 · Twitter for iPhone 2,230 Retweets 121 Quote Tweets 12.7K Likes

11.

Text - Wholesome Hunk @DillonGeroux Call me homer because all I do is simp son 10:30 PM · 2020-10-17 · Twitter for iPhone

12.

Bird - ♡ geni O @geniwithluv me after i spell wensday right 11:39 AM · 2020-10-18 · Twitter for iPhone 8,436 Retweets 248 Quote Tweets 51.8K Likes

13.

Text - Angie B @Angibangie Tilda Swinton is the last person on Earth, having solely survived the apocalypse. A tumbleweed rolls by. She picks it up and eats it. 'Delicious,' she says, as she gets down on all fours then gallops into the night. 9:47 PM · 2019-06-16 · Twitter for Android 3,719 Retweets 118 Quote Tweets 21.8K Likes

14.

Text - paperwash© @PaperWash [3 dads circling new neighbor on their bikes] "im not looking for any trouble" all three dads in unison: HI NOT LOOKING FOR TROUBLE IM DAD 6:47 PM · 2015-05-20 · Twitter for iPhone 3,163 Retweets 11 Quote Tweets 5,943 Likes

15.

Text - paperwash© @PaperWash hey idiots you don't have to go back in time to kill hitler he's already dead 2:48 AM · 2015-09-07 · Twitter for iPhone 370 Retweets 1,215 Likes

16.

Text - mindflakes @mindflakes Anyone here good with computers? Trying to figure out how to attach a swarm of wasps to an email 8:51 AM · 2018-08-10 · Twitter for Android 446 Retweets 12 Quote Tweets 1,452 Likes

17.

Text - Crockett @CrockettForReal Anyone who has ever said "I'm just going to let these dishes soak" has no intention of doing those dishes 3:33 PM · 10/19/20 · Twitter for iPhone

18.

Text - Katie Didn't @Pork_Chop_Hair Let's take a moment to be thankful that ponytails don't wag like dog tails when we're excited. 7:25 PM · 2018-04-05 · Twitter for iPhone 1,238 Retweets 165 Quote Tweets 2,944 Likes

19.

Text - Shenanigans @Shenanigans_luv I do not do things because they need to get done I do things because l'm procrastinating doing other things 10:50 AM · 2020-10-19 · Twitter for iPhone 63 Retweets 2 Quote Tweets 306 Likes

20.

Text - halloween town's official blunt roller 2 @moonlitcommie i am screaming Imfao Mother audio FaceTime info iMessage Today 10:36 PM Why did you tell your dad and I that WAP stood for wings and pizza It does not stand for that, very disappointed. We invited our friends over for a WAP night thinking it meant wings and pizza. 4:54 PM · 2020-10-18 · Twitter for iPhone 22.2K Retweets 870 Quote Tweets 234K Likes

21.

Text - Dr. Fauci @DrFaucis1 Announcing my endorsement for Biden today. He has to be a better dancer! 3:34 PM · 2020-10-19 · Twitter for Android 3,678 Retweets 457 Quote Tweets 13.9K Likes

22.

Text - Tess Corinne @thot_piece if u show a girl a cool enough bug she will have sex with you 8:48 PM · 2020-10-18 · Twitter for Android 11.8K Retweets 1,767 Quote Tweets 118K Likes

23.

Text - Jeff Tiedrich @itsJeffTiedrich your reminder that every disaster movie starts with some asshole president ignoring the advice of an expert like Dr. Fauci 5:03 PM · 2020-10-19 · Twitter Web App 2,297 Retweets 67 Quote Tweets 13K Likes

24.

Text - Ron Iver @ronnui_ I can't believe we're still in the same pandemic as the everything-is-cake crisis 3:54 PM · 2020-10-19 · Twitter for Android 152 Retweets 3 Quote Tweets 1,786 Likes

25.

Text - nate of the living dead @MNateShyamalan the beatles wrote some of the absolute best music of all time and they also wrote a bunch of songs that sound like a haunted carnival and we kind of just let it slide 9:18 PM · 10/20/20 · Twitter for iPhone

26.

Text - AddiSinister Peacock @Addison_Peacock people saying "Halloween is canceled" because you can't go to parties??? If you were really in it for the love of the game you'd be sitting alone your apartment wearing fake fangs, fistfull of pumpkin guts snorting a line in of candy corn like a REAL FAN OF HALLOWEEN 3:48 AM · 2020-10-19 · Twitter Web App 14.2K Retweets 653 Quote Tweets 85K Likes

27.

Text - inkedupandsonic @sonictyrant A Darth Vader shaped body wash that says "I AM YOUR LATHER" when you squeeze it. 6:40 PM · 2020-07-17 · Twitter for Android 349 Retweets 10 Quote Tweets 1,416 Likes

28.

Text - thomas @perfectsweeties starting at my new job tomorrow and let me tell u it has been a long time since i've had a conversation without saying "fuck" or letting out a heavy sigh so this is gonna be weird 5:57 PM · 10/20/20 · Twitter for Android

Submitted by:



from Memebase https://ift.tt/3dOILgu

Post a Comment

0 Comments